poly_chromatic | [voice | filtered to Cassian] [backdated to the 18th]

[There's a long time before there's a response. He desperately wants to come up with some other 'he' who might know something else but....considering...he knows he can't delude himself, either.]</small ...Where are you?

At the old laboratory. [Since he figured they might need to talk alone for a while.]

I'll be right there.

[And he is, he wastes no time in getting there and doesn't even stop to knock either. Once he's in the room, though, he can't decide what to say at first.]

....how?

[Jezebel doesn't look at him for a moment -- he's seated by his old desk, staring at the floor and looking grim. He exhales slowly, then answers:]

He figured it out on his own. After the bargain with the deities. I tried lying, but he didn't believe me.

[Cassian moved closer, fighting with the surge of anger that rushed through him. He knew that price was too much. It wasn't worth it, in his mind, but he had more tact than to say that to the doctor.]

I'm surprised he hasn't done anything. [Like kill Cass himself. He almost wished Alexis had, that would've been less disturbing then this silence.

Unless...]

He...hasn'tdone anything..right?

No, he hasn't. [It wasn't a total lie -- after all, he had been punished for selling his voice, not for his embraces. But Cassian did not need to know about the poison.] Though he has suggested ideas for the future. Beating you if I misbehave. Trying to make me beat you, as well...though he knows I would never do so.

I don't care what he does to me.

[He really didn't. Nothing the Cardmaster could do would be any worse than what faced him back home even if he were, somehow, forced away from Jezebel, the knowledge the doctor was alright was enough.]

Just as long as he doesn't hurt you.

[Without thinking, a pained, wry sound forces itself out of Jezebel -- it would be a chuckle if it weren't such a grim noise.] I imagine he knows that. I imagine he knows that he can use that should he ever want something from you -- or if he ever wishes to punish you.

[He looked away, attempting to keep his expression neutral. He knew that too. He only had one weakness and now it was out in the open. A wave of defiance made him want to say he didn't care.

What could the Cardmaster want from him that wouldn't be worth Jezebel's safety?]

...What do you want to do?

[Jezebel shrugged slightly, adhusting his glasses for the excuse not to look at Cassian for a moment.]

There isn't much that can be done. He knows. And he knows how to use what he's learned. Any denials would only reaffirm what he suspected to begin with.

[He made a small sound of disgust.]...I don't like it.

[He didn't like this uncertainty. It made him uneasy...which was probably half the point anyway.]

Neither do I.

[There is a pause where Jezebel doesn't speak, instead looking unsteadily towards the wall, not facing Cassian when he finally says:]

You don't need to stay. If he might very well try to hurt you however he can...you don't need to stay for it.

[Cassian processed that a moment before closing the distance between them and turned Jezebel's face to him. He wanted the doctor to know he meant what he was going to say.]

I'm not going anywhere. I'm not afraid of him. [Not for himself.]

[He wants to be reassured. He does, and yet...]

And what if I'm afraid of him? Of what he might do? [He exhales shakily before saying:] I know what my father does to the things his children cares about. I know how much it amuses him.

[He's silent again as he studies Jezebel's face. When he speaks, his tone is neutral. Questioning.]

Would you rather I left? Disappeared?

[Jezebel shut his eyes for a moment, looking pained. When he spoke, his voice was quiet.]

I want you unharmed. If that was the price to keep you from being hurt, then yes.

[What he wanted, foolishly, was to cling to Cassian and pretend that there was no danger in doing so, that there was no chance he would enter the penthouse to find that some terrible punishment had been inflicted on him. But it was idiotic and more selfish than even he could stand to think that way.]

[Cassian studied him a moment longer before sighing and shaking his head.]

You can't ask me to do that. I won't leave.

[He wasn't going to say it, but he'd rather suffer some punishment from the cardmaster than leave Jezebel alone. Nothing would change that.]

[His eyes stayed closed for a moment as he said:] Even if I told you to?

[There wasn't much conviction is his voice -- he wanted Cassian's safety as desperately as he wanted Cassian there, with him, and while he knew what he should do, he also could not completely ignore the selfish desire to keep Cassian with him always.]

Even if it would destroy me to see you killed or worse for simply being at my side? My father...he is creative with what he can do, Cassian. And with what he's done before.

[He didn't underestimate Alexis but that didn't mean he feared him either. There were things worse than death and things worse than Alexis he could think of.

He shook his head again and let the hand on Jezebel's face trail down to his shoulder instead.]

I left once...and it was a horrible mistake. I'm not interested in repeating that mistake.

Even if you were to order me away...I'd never be far. [Of course, any distance would feel like too far for him. Even when he spent time at Eagle's shop, he always felt a bit of worry that he wasn't right at Jezebel's side.]

[Jezebel opened his eyes, looking at the other man with an expression filled with clear affection but also with dread. Cassian’s disappearance had torn him apart, and the relief in having him return had been wonderful. But that had been before Alexis had arrived and taken control of Jezebel, and the prospect of what could happen frightened him.

He leaned in closer to press a slow, warm kiss to Cassian’s lips before pulling away, glancing at the floor.] You’re a fool. You don’t know what you’re promising when you say that. [The words were affectionate, but there was a tone of fear to them – because Jezebel knew all too well.]

[His expression didn't waver, although, a small smile came from the kiss but none of his determination changed.]

Maybe I am, but it doesn't change anything. I meant what I said. I'm not going anywhere, no matter what that means.
[He'd seen Jezebel die too many times. He never wanted that to happen again and if he could do anything to change or stop what happened...what he'd failed to stop before, then he was willing to risk whatever.

He just wished Jezebel knew that.]

[There was almost a sense of relief at knowing Cassian would not leave even if he insisted, though it still mingled with a lingering sense of fear. Alexis would do something, he knew it, and he only wished he knew what and where.

He could try to convince Cassian to escape another time, he rationalized. At the moment, he was too drained, from both the loss of his voice and his father's discovery -- as well as from the lingering side effects of poison.]

I'm still not sure what I ever did to deserve a loyalty as intense as yours. [He says it with a small smile, but a sad one as well -- he doesn't want Cassian to pay for such loyalty later.]

[Protectively, he finally pulled Jezebel to his chest, as if holding him like that would protect the doctor from anything and everything that might come after him.

It was foolish, but he had nothing else but his own determination not to let anything happen if he could help it.]

I can't explain it....not really. You just have it.

[He smiled a little at the embrace -- he rested his forehead against Cassian's chest, his hands curling slightly into the fabric of Cassian's sleeves. Even though he knew he could not ever leave his father, there was still a silent, wishful part of him who wondered what it would be like to leave Delilah behind, to forget his father's wishes and simply be able to embrace Cassian this way without any fear.]

Alright. I'll try to be worthy of it, then. [He had sold his voice to bring Cassian back to life. It was a start, though not nearly enough, not yet.]

[voice | filtered to Cassian] [backdated to the 18th]

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