☤ seventy-six

[as_damaged]

[TEXT MESSAGES - POSTED ACCIDENTALLY]

(06:30) Cameron: changed my mind. come over here and we'll get that drink
(06:58) Cameron: hello?
(07:02) Cameron: i'm not waiting forever



[ooc; feels like the first time. Cameron's high, and doesn't realize she's not at home yet. Replies likely to be somewhat muddled since she's not quite herself <3]

Comments

[intheblanks]

I'm not saying it's wrong to let go once in a while.

[Navigating away from the wall is tricky, but if he could just get her sitting down for a while. Maybe the couch. Is that a good idea or a terrible one...]

But- look. You know how I ask you out, and you kick me back, and I ask you out again?

[It's happened a few times, even before this point.]

[as_damaged]

[As long as it looks like he's heading somewhere with her, she'll let them move. Just not towards the door.]

We're not going out. That's the point.

[intheblanks]

No, Allison. The point is that I keep doing that, knowing how it's likely to end, because I like you. Exactly how you are.

[Knowing how it's likely to end. As much as he couldn't look far enough to the future then, Chase can't honestly give himself enough hindsight to tell if that knowledge would change things.

The back of his legs bump the arms of the couch, still holding her.]

[as_damaged]

I don't want to talk about that.

[There's a warning edge in her voice. She knows he does; she doesn't want to hear it. This is supposed to be easy and meaningless.

At least she's stopped pressing him forward.]

[intheblanks]

But you wanted me here.

[Because he's the worst choice she could make. Can't argue that one with her.]

[as_damaged]

[She gives him a light shove, trying to tumble him onto the sofa.]

Stop trying to ruin this.

[intheblanks]

I'm n-

[It catches him enough that it works. He lands splayed in not entirely dignified position.]

I'm not. If you want company, I'm here.

[as_damaged]

[She rests one knee on the arm of the sofa, leaning in provocatively.]

Company? Don't turn into a good guy on me now.

[intheblanks]

[It's ridiculous how that stings. And he could spoil it all by saying something stupid like-

But he leans up and kisses her.]

[as_damaged]

[In her right mind, she'd never say it; least of all in her right time, knowing nothing except that something is wrong. In the moment, she doesn't think twice.

She doesn't pull back, stretching one leg and then the other over the arm to join him.]

[intheblanks]

[He smooths his hands down to the small of her back, bringing her down to lay against him in the scattered piled of couch cushions. Her skin's so hot under his palm, flushed with the high, and he can't match her for heat. The kisses, how he holds her, it's all far too gentle to meet the burn of first-time lust.]

[as_damaged]

[She's overeager enough for both of them, pressed against him, her inhibitions (tighter then, even, than now,) lost in the haze along with the uncertainty of the day, the anxiety she's not ready to face.

She pulls back only enough to return her attention to the buttons on his shirt, only fumbling a little.]

[intheblanks]

[He lets her hands make the trail up to his throat before catching careful, quick fingers he's so familiar with.]

I like you.

[If he's going to spoil it, it has to be now.]

I know you're freaked out about... today, but trying to be someone you're not isn't going to make it better. Trust me. It's just going to be one more thing to freak out about in the morning.

[as_damaged]

[Like as not, she'll thank him for it in the morning. Right now, her face darkens; everything's too intense as she pulls away.]

This isn't--

[about today, though it is. About him, but it is. Lacking a better answer she just glowers, her free arm held tight against her body in a rough approximation of her usual stance of disapproval.]

[intheblanks]

I'm not good, you're right. But you are.

[He pushes himself up on one elbow, free hand catching her arm.]

I'd still like to stay.

[as_damaged]

Why should I let you?

[Chin up, the same old look in her eyes, though they look too dark, the pupils huge. Disappointment makes her defensive; she was sure he'd go for it. (And, once, she wasn't wrong.) Now it's puzzling, and more than a little embarrassing.]

[intheblanks]

Maybe if you didn't want to be alone right now.

[Not to mention that he'll be staying with her until the come down, whether she likes it or not.]

[as_damaged]

I called looking for casual sex. I'm not lonely.

[She tugs her arm away, still irrational; still angry. He has the advantage (he always does, now,) of knowing what's pure pretense and what's a half truth, but it's not going to buy any kindness now.

Of course, she has nowhere to go, no one else she'd call.]

[intheblanks]

I didn't say you were lonely. Not everybody waits until they're miserable to attempt social contact.

[Not everyone's as special as you, Cameron. Chase tries to sit up and look a little more dignified about this.]

We could watch a movie. We could watch a dirty movie.

[That, and the eyebrow raise that goes along with it, though, are intended to be ridiculous. Come on, smile and make everything better.]

[as_damaged]

[She doesn't look pleased at the prospect, glancing away to stare a moment at the back of the sofa. Everything seems a little off; she chalks it up to the high, which might be a blessing in disguise. At least she's not freaking out about where she is.]

I could do that myself.

[Slowly she slips off the edge of the couch to stand beside it.]

[intheblanks]

There are plenty of things you could do yourself.

[He twists a hand into his hair, a frustrated substitute for pulling it out. There may not be a way for this to go well, but it could be going better.]

Do you really think I don't want to sleep with you? Seriously? There are just other things that are more important to me right now. Like how you're going feel about it in the morning.

[as_damaged]

So tomorrow has to ruin tonight?

[It always does when she's sober, which is what she's trying to get away from. She looks away, because the last thing she wants to do is explain any of this.]

You should go.

[Not that she can do much to force the issue.]

[intheblanks]

As opposed to tonight ruining tomorrow? What's the difference.

[If you still want me on the morning, then things might be different. But he doesn't say it, it's a challenge to someone she hasn't yet become.]

You don't have HIV. This isn't your last chance to do something crazy with your life. You do good with your life, Cameron, not taking drugs and screwing around isn't a flaw.

[as_damaged]

I'm not planning to make a habit of it.

[Or of you, her tone adds for her. The rest she won't address. As far as she knows there's no way he could know that. Maybe the best she can hope for is that Kalvin's right, that a death sentence can be liberating. Six weeks, three months, six months. Maybe that's why he's turning her down, and he's right to do so.]

You don't need to stay. [Flatly.] Really.

[intheblanks]

[It's code for get out, he recognises that.]

I can't leave while you're still tripping. I'd like to stay.