164 DIAGNOSIS

[vicodincrutch]

"WHO IS YOUR DADDY?" 

Let's put the mystery to rest. Paternity tests are half off today. Why? I'm feeling generous. And bored. 

Comments

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[directives]

...and paternity tests are your go-to cure for this boredom?

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[vicodincrutch]

One of many. Pregnancy tests are another. Or prostate exams. Everyone ends up like an asshole.

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[directives]

That's certainly a unique take on the bedside manner.

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[vicodincrutch]

Thank you.

But really, flattery gets you nowhere.

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[directives]

Who said anything about flattery? I've seen better temperaments in holographic prototypes.

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[vicodincrutch]

Some people like to get their diagnosis with a sticker or candy. The sweetest thing they can expect to get is accuracy and a sense of gravity in the situation. Nothing beats the real deal.

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[directives]

Accuracy is appreciated, but finding amusement in the face of personal crisis isn't exactly what I'd file under professionalism.

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[vicodincrutch]

Are you saying that people shouldn't enjoy their job? There's a distinct difference in interest and schadenfreude.

[dr_conscience]

You should really look into advertising on the subway.

[vicodincrutch]

That. And sky writing.

We need to think bigger somehow.

[dr_conscience]

The City has always needed a trashy weekday morning talk show.

[vicodincrutch]

Where has this been all of my life.

[dr_conscience]

Honestly, I've almost forgotten the entertainment value inherent in someone cheering and dancing because they're not a father.

[sleepingstar]

How many people have parents here?

[vicodincrutch]

The right question is how many people are willing to own up that they are parents.

[sleepingstar]

How many babies are born here?

[ladycroft]

If you're feeling generous, what about free physicals instead? I doubt you'll have many people questioning their parentage.