Video (Accidental)

[trenchknives]

[The video clicks on, but it's immediately obvious that it's not a video from the City. No, Jimmy might wish it were, but it's certainly not. It's a video from Jimmy's life, his life back home, and the contents of it, well, maybe he'd be better off not knowing what the public's now seen...]

"Boardwalk Empire 01.02 - Jimmy Darmody explains why he's going to hell" (Watch on YouTube)

[The memory cuts off suddenly, as though it's too fraught to go on any longer.]

[OOC: Yes, Jimmy's been hit by the Memory Theatre curse, and so here, in all of its glory, is one of the few things Jimmy didn't want shown on the network. General warning for gratuitous swearing, references to violence and war, etc.]

Comments

voice | private;

[hexuality]

[First she thinks, That's who you named your dog after? And then the rest carries on. She thinks about how parts of it resonate with her in uncomfortable ways (I didn't care anymore) and she thinks she shouldn't say that. She hates this curse because of how violating it is, more than the rest at times.]

Jimmy?

Re: voice | private;

[trenchknives]

Ginny?

[He sounds confused, for a moment. He still hasn't thought to look at the network.]

Somethin' wrong?

voice | private;

[hexuality]

[Oh, bollocks, is softly breathed.]

It will be when you check the network.

Re: voice | private;

[trenchknives]

[There's a pause -- a pause for about a minute and fourteen seconds, in fact, the exact duration of the posted memory -- and then he's back.]

Fuck. Fuckin'... fuck.

[Maybe it's not as bad as the time he'd shared the memory about being in the trenches and the German soldier who'd been slowly dying. Maybe it's not that bad. But it's still pretty damn bad. And Nucky's in it. Fucking Nucky.]

I already know there's no way to get rid of it. I wish there was. Everyone's gonna see this.

voice | private;

[hexuality]

But you haven't got to talk about it if you don't want to. You know that, too, don't you?

[Video]

[likehim_likeme]

Are you Catholic, monsieur?

[Seems like the most random of randoms, I know.]

Re: [Video]

[trenchknives]

[It gives Jimmy pause for a moment, but by now he knows the memory's out there on the network, and it's not the worst question that could've been asked.]

Yeah. I mean, I don't go to church as much as I should. But I was raised Catholic, mostly. Why?

[Video]

[likehim_likeme]

Then you ought to be aware that killing in wartime is considered justifiable murder and not sinful murder.

[God he wants a smoke. Or a drink. Stupid City. Stupid curse.]

This can extend to outside of wartime. For self-defense, for survival, for the maintaining of peace between two factions, whatever reason. If it can be justified by man, Heaven will hold to it. So really, there's no reason to assume you're going to Hell.

Re: [Video]

[trenchknives]

That's what people say. They say it's fuckin' heroic to kill durin' wartime. They say that you're just doin' what you're supposed to do, that you're brave for riskin' your life to kill other people. But I don't see it that way. When I was there, it wasn't heroic at all. It was just a job.

[A sigh.]

'n when I came back, it just kinda... stayed a job. Don't you think that means I'm goin' to Hell?

[Video]

[likehim_likeme]

I am not sure.

[He could remember when he was 11 or 12, seeing some of the soldiers who had come back from the war with Siam. Hearing whispers between adults about how crazy this one had become, or that one. His schoolmasters' instructions to ignore and avoid.

God, people were shit. He shook his head before continuing one.]

In truth, I wonder sometimes if we are all Hell bound.

» video

[thenormalsquint]

Jimmy. Check the network.

[Short and sweet to the point.]

Re: » video

[trenchknives]

[It takes him a little while to respond, but when he does, his face is pale.]

Yeah. Ginny told me. Nothin' I can do about it. I guess I just gotta deal with it.

» video » private

[thenormalsquint]

[Every month when this happens, she wonders if she should say something or keep her mouth shut. Usually, she bites her tongue and moves on, but this is Jimmy. Beyond the occasional tumble in each other's beds, he's a friend.]

I think God has other plans for you rather than Hell.

[Angela has purely grey morals. He might be a criminal, a robber, a murder, a shit father, but she knows he's a good person inside. She's not about to let that part slip away.]

Re: » video » private

[trenchknives]

You think? I always kinda wondered. I mean, I figure I just about broke every single one of the Ten Commandments at least once.

[He likes that Angela's taking the time to say something, though. Something that's not a prying question. Something that's not a judgment. It's appreciated. He's not sure how to express that.]

[thenormalsquint]

[He could come right out and say it, but she's not here for accolades, just support.]

So what? I've broken at least seven of them myself, but who's counting? He might be almighty, but I'd like to think he takes a break from overseeing us every now and then.

[She shouldn't be talking so lightly about God, but really, he's in no position to judge the lengths of her faith.]

And for starters, he put you here, where you can make a clean break and a fresh start. The City is shit, but it's a lot better than eternal fire and brimstone.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

You've probably talked about this more than you want to, huh?

Re: audio;

[trenchknives]

Y'know, you'd think that, but most people've actually been pretty quiet about it. I mean, they commiserated, but they didn't ask a whole lotta questions. Guess they had no idea what to say.

[A roundabout way of saying that he doesn't mind talking about it more, if she wants.]

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

Well... it's awkward and all, seeing memories that no one wants anyone to see.

But for what it's worth, I don't think you're going to hell, and I'm just saying that because I don't believe in that kind of thing. I know you've done a lot of terrible things [this coming from someone who is firmly against war and killing for any other reason] but you're a good person who was put in a bad situation. In the City? Jimmy, you're one of the people I trust the most. You've done a lot to help me--a lot to help me keep myself together.

And now I'm just rambling, but if there is a god and a hell and everything, there's no way you're going there.

Re: audio;

[trenchknives]

Penny, y'know, I...

[How is he supposed to discuss all of this in a way that'll even begin to make sense to her?]

... It ain't just the war. It's other stuff, too. I'm not a good person. I know there're people here who think I am, 'n I appreciate it, because I always did used to try to be, but when I came back home after the war I just wasn't a good person. That's just a fact. I don't know how to be good anymore. I don't even know what the fuck 'good' means.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

So maybe you're a little broken. A lot of us are. That doesn't mean you can't be good, and you're trying, aren't you?

What you said--not here, but there--about just not caring anymore? That's not your fault. Life does things to people, and maybe you won't believe me, but I've known plenty of people who did awful things because they were too broken to care about hurting anyone, especially themselves. You know what? A lot of them became better people. They had to learn how to care again, but they did. Even if you're not there yet, I know you can do that.

video;

[snorky]

Did you really kill somebody?

[ The scene itself might be self-explanatory, just like something out of a picture, but the curiosity written on the boy's face is too much for him to bear. He's gotta know for sure. ]

Re: video;

[trenchknives]

[Oh no, small children, one of Jimmy's big weaknesses. He nods.]

Yeah. A lot of somebodies, actually.

video;

[snorky]

How many people?

Re: video;

[trenchknives]

It ain't like I kept count, kid. I was a soldier.

[Among other things -- things he probably doesn't need to tell this kid about.]

video;

[snorky]

Then it's not like you were killing for no reason at all. I don't think you'd go to Hell for that.