poly_chromatic | [ 105th consult

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house m.d. - james wilson

[ 105th consult | video ]

I know House mentioned that my appointments were on hold for a while, so I figured I ought to come let anyone who was wondering know that I'm back at work. If you need to reschedule anything, you can just let me know.

[ Here he pauses - the rest of this is a lot more awkward, and it’s been a long time in coming. Hard to face up to having been undead - extra hard when that undeath was brought about by an assault that actually did kill you years ago. ]

I also wanted to say that I'm sorry, to anyone I injured or attempted to injure last month - the apology is late in coming, I know, but it’s been... difficult, coming to terms with it. While I do think it was fairly obvious that I wasn't in control of my actions, that doesn't really do much to change the fact that I'd like to apologize. Of course, I don't remember a lot of it - the odd fragment here or there, but not really in any detail. That means I'm not quite sure of everyone I should apologize to personally, so you can consider this apology yours if it applies.

[ He purses his lips and nods, drawing in a breath, uncertain if there's more he should add. He evidently decides not, cutting the feed after a moment. ]

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I sincerely doubt anyone would hold you accountable for your actions, [ making an educated guess here ] Doctor.

Doctor Wilson. [ With a nod, friendly if a bit subdued at the moment. ] Though 'James' is a bit less overly formal.

And you're probably right, but regardless of accountability, I think I'd prefer to offer the apology than ignore the fact that it happened.

And "Kathryn" is less overly formal than Captain Janeway.

[ the tiny woman curled up on a couch with a steaming cup of coffee likely doesn't look like a high ranking military official, but she is. ]

That's kind of you. I suspect others are content to just let the curse do the excusing for them.

Well. It's a pleasure.

[ Well, that's... impressive. He arches his brows, respectful nod. ]

I'm sure a lot of them are - and I don't even think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. It was a curse, after all, so I wouldn't hold anyone to the expectation. Everyone copes differently.

Thank Merlin, I've been worried about you.

I'm all right - and I am sorry to have made you worry.

Don't apologise. Didn't you tell me that when I got back from home? Things happen, you need to take time. I understand that.

[ The smile that inspires touches on his tone, very slightly. It means something - quite a lot - that what he said stuck that much. ]

You're right... I absolutely did. I guess I just didn't mean to take quite as much time as I did.

[Of course it did. Everyone welcomed her back, but he was the first one to tell her she didn't need to apologise for going home, for staying away from the network until she felt ready to face them all again.]

That doesn't matter. Are you sure you're alright?

Yes. At least as much as I can be, right now. I can't say I'm doing great, but... I'm working on it.

Well, come by for a cup of tea whenever you like.

That is an offer I will definitely take you up on.

I hope so.

I will - no vanishing, promise.

[You can't promise that.]

Me neither.

You should send flowers and chocolates too.

I can't just pretend nothing happened - offering an apology doesn't take that much.

Unless you're actually asking me for flowers and chocolate.

Edited (I don't even know what my browser did there but it was clearly not done.) 2013-11-14 15:58 (UTC)

I like chocolate.

Oh and I think that you're not responsible because anyone could see you wouldn't be that way by choice.

I know I didn't choose to be... [ a zombie? he doesn't seem to be quite able to say that ] cursed. I'd just rather say something than ignore it, at least acknowledge that something happened and recognize that I wasn't the only one affected by it.

[ sigh ]

No flowers.

Is that because that's how you feel you should act? Or do you feel sorry so you say you're sorry. You and I both know you have been here long enough to know curse behavior is just not personal behavior and your following readily accepts that. They can't be so touchy feely as to resent you for not making a public statement.

Get flowers. Just not for me. I want chocolate.

I don't think anyone's going to resent me if I don't, but I need to say something. I need to acknowledge it in some way, and apologizing - even for behavior that is clearly not my own - doesn't exactly take a great deal of effort. It's not as if it's a massive inconvenience or sacrifice to make on my part, it's a very simple and easy way to try to bring some form of closure to something terrible.

Do you want it to be? Penance and all. I think the same effort would be put out to get candy. People get the picture. Sometimes I think you're ignorant to the fact you're easily forgivable. Fact proven by others. My personal investigation is pending.

Maybe I just want there to be something I can do that will actually make a difference - I know that apologizing won't, but it's about all that I actually can do. The City's not going to do it, or the witches, or that goat, or whatever they wound up saying it was.

[ There's a huffed breath, which could be a ghost of a laugh if only it wasn't devoid of any real humor. ]

And even if I am "easily forgivable," that doesn't actually have any bearing on whether or not I should apologize.

I'd use it as an excuse if I were you.

[House's honest attempt for laughter out of the fact that it shouldn't be surprising. He really would.]

Noble effort. That's what it is. it might irritate you to know that no one else will say it is what it is.

[ There is a dark snicker there - typical. The things that only House can get Wilson to laugh at. ]

Not particularly; I know you're always ready to do the honors when necessary.

It wasn't your fault.

How're you doing?

I know, I'd just... rather say something.

[ sigh ]

All things considered, I'm all right.

I think I get that.

That might not be very all right at all. If there's anything you want to talk about, you know...

[Because the lady who was traumatized and then tortured is obviously in a great position to help other people with anything unpleasant the curses have brought up.]

I'm doing as well as I can be, I think. And talking...

[ Talking. He's not so sure Penny's in the best place for him to put anything on her, and even if he did... what's there to be said or done? It's the City. There's no resolution. ]

Well. I'll keep the offer in mind, but I'm not really sure what I need right now.

Okay. If you do figure it out, James... well. You've done a lot for me. I wish I could do the same for you.

Anything that I've done was because I wanted to, because I care about you. You should never feel like you owe me anything for that, and even if you did, I can promise that your friendship is more than enough. You've done plenty for me, too.

[ Do not doubt the sincerity it is powerful ]

Fair warning--I'm going to hug you.

[And she does. Gently. There are still bruises, but a hug is the only viable response.]

I love you, y'know. [beat] In a platonic kind of way. What I've always wanted, more than anything else? Is for someone to care. And... thanks, James.

[ She does get the same as she gives - a gentle but wholly heartfelt embrace in return.

And a quietly chuckling smile. ]

And I love you in a platonic kind of way.

[ The smile lingers a bit, small but warm. ]

Speaking of all that, how are you doing?

Glad to hear that. Unrequited platonic love is so sad.

[Her smile disappears entirely.]

I'm... coping, I guess. I'm only telling you this because you're you, but I'm still kind of expecting something to jump out and attack me.

[ And his falters, too - wrought with concern as he gives a small nod. ]

I think that's an understandable feeling here... but right now, there isn't anything that's going to jump out. I know it takes a while to get past feeling that way, though.

Speaking from personal experience, huh?

I wish there was a way to just... fix everything, but I guess that's not possible in any world.

Obviously nothing quite the same, but... I think a lot of us have been there, yeah.

[ A hint of that smile comes back, though it's melancholy. ]

Not from anything I've heard - and I've met people from more worlds than I can keep track of now. I do wish it were, too, but all we can really do is just... keep going.

I'm sorry.

[She mirrors his smile.]

That seems to be what we do best.

Don't be. You don't have anything to be sorry for.

[ It's important that doesn't go unsaid, he thinks. But he nods at the latter statement. ]

We are good at it... and a lot of people are good at picking each other up when they need to. We shouldn't have to in the first place, but at least when it comes down to it...

Maybe not.

[Still. She's sorry, okay.]

At least, when it comes down to it, we have each other. There are a lot of good people in the City.

Yeah. That there are.

[ He manages a warmer smile there. ]

It's one of the things we can be thankful for. Sometimes it's important to remember those.

[Chase drops by Wilson's office later, network device in hand.]

You'd be at the front of the line to tell anyone else this was unnecessary.

[Blunt, but not unkindly so.]

[ And he glances up from his desk, brow furrowed. ]

You're probably right.

[ And he purses his lips with a small shrug. ]

But I'd rather say something unnecessary, for whatever semblance of closure it's worth.

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