poly_chromatic

Entry tags:

original character - lucy locke

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[ Lucy's flat seems to have exploded. Things are stacked and piled seemingly at random. She's wearing a baseball cap backwards and she's got an old tee shirt on and cut off jeans. Her hair is in pigtails and there's a variety of cleaning products scattered about. She's right in the middle of a top to bottom cleaning and organization spree of her flat. She's sitting on the floor amongst a riot of books and knickknacks with a glass of something iced at hand. ]

Hi. So...this seems like an appropriate time to ask. I need opinions and sounding boards for likely highly illogical ramblings of the relationship kind.

Any and all applicants will be considered?

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Then by all means. Fire away.

[ Inherently sarcastic, but there's a blanket interest. Doesn't take much to guess this is about Pavel. ]

Relationships, worth it or not, considering we're going to lose them here in the City. Also, is there really any difference between here and 'home' whereever that may be in the 'losing them' way

There isn't.

[ Nobody sticks. Not for good, not on their own. The only person you can count on is you. ]

All relationships have a sell-by date. But if you push the right buttons, you can make anyone do what you want them to, at least for a while. Question is, does this person mean enough to you to bother finding those buttons and keep pushing them?

Logic stinks. 'Cause I think you're right, but that's still the hard option.

And what, in your mind, would be the easier option?

That's the problem. There are no easy options. I could say never meeting him, but he makes me laugh and smile and happy.

Do you imagine you're in love with him?

[ It's not a question but a test. Hei doesn't believe in love. How can he, when he prioritizes security and exit routes, even in the most intimate moments of human interaction. But Lucy's answer will make her state-of-mind transparent. ]

Yeah. This would be way easier if I weren't.

I'd encourage you to maintain a distance. When you're in love, what you love are your own projections. Beyond that, you love a physical presence, a face and a body and demeanor that has nothing to do with who the person is psychologically. [ Cold, but essentially true in his experience. ] Step back and clear your head. Then you'll know better. You can decide what you want.

So you don't think that Pavel is any of the things that I think he is. I'm just projecting what I want on him. If I just wanted a body and a face, that wouldn't be a problem to get. It'd be a lot less trouble too.

I imagine he does the same with you, without meaning to. That's what creates half the problems in 'relationships.'

[ Case in point. ]

If you know it's less trouble, but you miss him anyway, you've already fallen into the trap of pathological emotionalism. Take a step back and reassess the situation. Eventually you'll come to a decision. Whether or not it's the smart one ... that isn't for me to say.

That's...bothersome. I mean that we'd both be doing it. Pathological emotionalism?

Bothersome, yes. But the need to believe your own illusions about someone is often a psychological imperative. It's the only way to justify why you're with someone. [ A pause. ] Or why you're letting them go. It's a tendency to place undue importance on emotions, by making too much out of one person and one relationship. You want to believe what you have is unique. That might not always be true.

I'd be okay with just normal. I don't really need unique.

For some, the two words are synonymous. But I suppose it depends on your definition of normal.

Doesn't it usually? It's one of those relative terms.

And how do you prefer to define 'normal'?

I don't know. Happy. Someone who treats me well and who I treat well in return.

And Pavel was all those things for you.

[ It's not a question. ]

I'd ask why you ended things with him. But I assume it was your way to preempt future hurt.

[ Except it's not as effective as you might think. Believe him. He's made an art-form out of it. ]

Good assumptions on all fronts.

Then the only question at this point remains: What are you going to do?

I don't know. Talk to him, I guess and see what he wants out of this.

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