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— iece of crap. [ There's grumbling as the viewscreen jostles, bright blue (bloodshot) eyes squinting into it curiously. The would-be handsome face glances away a moment later, eyebrows pulled together; he's sick or was prior to arriving, more worn out from the exertion of walking than any young man ought to be. ] Alright, good. You'll do for the time being.
This is Captain Kirk of the starship Enterprise ordering any and all Federation crewmen to report back with the location of the nearest Starfleet outpost. I'm off-world when I shouldn't be. This "computer" — [ you can practically see the airquotes around his sour tone ] — isn't responding as it should or giving me the information I need. I'm getting nothing but interference when I try and open a standard sub-space channel, the frequency's all off ... damn, this thing's gonna fry if I keep messing with it.
[ Opening his mouth to continue, a hurk noise clogs his throat and hastily, the video clatters to the ground as Jim reels around to vomit into the fountain. Classy. ]
[ Of course, where a sick Jim is, a wild, angry Bones appears. ]
Goddammit, Jim! [ He's there all of a sudden, a hand on jim's shoulder holding him for support and a - somewhat crazy expression on his face. ] Jesus Christ, why are you out of the medbay if you're sick?! Don't move or I'll hypo your ass!

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But she's on the network anyway, because if there's one thing Uhura knows how to do, it's her job, and her job is to monitor communications channels.]
Captain?
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Lieutenant, good to see you. Uh. Any idea what's going on here?
[ Why the hell am I alive, goes unspoken, but he's trying to be tactful for myriad reasons. ]
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[ He grasps onto Bones' arm to pull himself up determinedly with a wince. At least the broiling grit in his stomach is out and he can breathe without wanting to hurl. ]
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You'll keep getting interference.
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mildly: ] He didn't take that very well, did he?
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Bones?
Holy shit- Bones?
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[ and then: ] Sorry, may I know who this is?
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And you are —?
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[V i d e o]
[V i d e o]
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[ a beat. ] But thanks.
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[ He's had bad experiences with the wildlife on other planets. ]
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Jim? [Pause.] Er, Bones? Right? No—Dr McCoy.
[She grins though it's a little bewildered, apologetic.]
Or I can pretend I don't know you at all if it'll make adjusting a bit easier.
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Okay, first things first: if people are going to insist calling me by my name here, fine. It's Leonard. Don't call me Bones when he's around. Apparently he's patented the nickname without my knowledge, and I'd rather not a repeat of the last time someone called me Bones in front of him.
[ clearly this was the most important detail he had to address. ]
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You're a long ways away from Starfleet, there mate. Lightyears even. But that's putting it kindly.
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shhhh don't mind my lateness
[ You puked, Kirk. He approves. ]
Do you really have a starship?
neverrr
<3
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Forget trying, this junk is useless. [OR MAYBE HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE IT???] And now you've convinced me to sell it.
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Met my quota today of Things I Don't Give A Shit About, great.
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