Hei (Li Shenshung) (
mortemscintilla) wrote in
poly_chromatic2013-09-12 08:55 pm
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Entry tags:
♦♦ 30TH CONTRACT - ANONYMOUS TEXT/ ACTION
Dear City,
Has anyone ever wondered about the ridiculous choices available in condoms? Or what they mean?
If you buy ribbed condoms, exactly who is that for? And what does it say to your partner? Those bumps are so small, you can hardly feel them with your fingertips. I doubt someone's orifices will notice the difference. What, then, is the subtext? That your junk lacks the requisites they find satisfying? 'So, I got ribbed condoms because my dick lacks flair. Or maybe flare.'
That doesn't bode well.
And what's with the coloured ones? Those in green -- do they make you fantasize about comic book heroes? Or does the idea of a green schlong make you think of gangrene and that they'll probably have to amputate? The yellow ones. Hepatic dysfunction comes to mind. I have no idea what to say about the blue numbers, except I doubt anyone's enjoying it. Tissue hypoxia does it for no-one. The reds just make me think of elongated clown noses. Those are creepy enough on a clown. You don't need them between anyone's legs. And black. I wish I knew what to say about black. Once you roll them on, they don't exactly look black. More like a dull grey, which reminds me of zombies. If you ride too hard, will it fall off?
Then there's the brandnames. Durex has an intimidating 'dure' message that says: you'd better go for hours and like it. Trojans disturb me for several reasons. No one enjoys the 'Trojan Horse' implications. Hung like a horse might be a compliment, but fatal surprises aren't. Lifestyle makes you think of underhanded marketing strategies. All I feel for them is postmodern despair. Bravo seems like you're congratulating someone before the show's even started. In most of Asia, the popular brand is OK, which is equally anti-climactic. I guess it's just OK for them.
Lastly, there's the issue of the amount of condoms. I've wondered about it for a long time. Is a 12-pack too desperate? Does it signify overachievement? Then again, the 5-pack seems a little condescending. Like you've got valid reasons to lower expectations. And just 1 condom? Don't get me started.
Sure, choice and variety are liberating. But is it worth the angst?
Options For Run-Ins:
※ Underground
※ Library
※ Anywhere Else
[ ooc: No, Hei hasn't lost his mind. However the senseless post has a coded message for Pai. ((Earday Arflowerstay, odecay Green Yellow Blue. Outway of ellcay. Imway OK. at st 151. In other words: Dear Starflower, code Green Yellow Blue (re: All Clear). Out of cell. I'm OK. At street 151.)) Blue highlights not ic, but can be if you'd like to go that route for funsies! Replies will be anonymous and untraceable! also, backtagging will be mighty, since I am a slow hiatusaurus<3 ]
Has anyone ever wondered about the ridiculous choices available in condoms? Or what they mean?
If you buy ribbed condoms, exactly who is that for? And what does it say to your partner? Those bumps are so small, you can hardly feel them with your fingertips. I doubt someone's orifices will notice the difference. What, then, is the subtext? That your junk lacks the requisites they find satisfying? 'So, I got ribbed condoms because my dick lacks flair. Or maybe flare.'
That doesn't bode well.
And what's with the coloured ones? Those in green -- do they make you fantasize about comic book heroes? Or does the idea of a green schlong make you think of gangrene and that they'll probably have to amputate? The yellow ones. Hepatic dysfunction comes to mind. I have no idea what to say about the blue numbers, except I doubt anyone's enjoying it. Tissue hypoxia does it for no-one. The reds just make me think of elongated clown noses. Those are creepy enough on a clown. You don't need them between anyone's legs. And black. I wish I knew what to say about black. Once you roll them on, they don't exactly look black. More like a dull grey, which reminds me of zombies. If you ride too hard, will it fall off?
Then there's the brandnames. Durex has an intimidating 'dure' message that says: you'd better go for hours and like it. Trojans disturb me for several reasons. No one enjoys the 'Trojan Horse' implications. Hung like a horse might be a compliment, but fatal surprises aren't. Lifestyle makes you think of underhanded marketing strategies. All I feel for them is postmodern despair. Bravo seems like you're congratulating someone before the show's even started. In most of Asia, the popular brand is OK, which is equally anti-climactic. I guess it's just OK for them.
Lastly, there's the issue of the amount of condoms. I've wondered about it for a long time. Is a 12-pack too desperate? Does it signify overachievement? Then again, the 5-pack seems a little condescending. Like you've got valid reasons to lower expectations. And just 1 condom? Don't get me started.
Sure, choice and variety are liberating. But is it worth the angst?
Options For Run-Ins:
※ Underground
※ Library
※ Anywhere Else
[ ooc: No, Hei hasn't lost his mind. However the senseless post has a coded message for Pai. ((Earday Arflowerstay, odecay Green Yellow Blue. Outway of ellcay. Imway OK. at st 151. In other words: Dear Starflower, code Green Yellow Blue (re: All Clear). Out of cell. I'm OK. At street 151.)) Blue highlights not ic, but can be if you'd like to go that route for funsies! Replies will be anonymous and untraceable! also, backtagging will be mighty, since I am a slow hiatusaurus<3 ]
action / text
[Pai has been sitting in the waiting room of the prison since before the crack of dawn, waiting for him to be released. This complicated coded message? So unnecessary.]
action / text
[ They've already clapped a tracking bracelet on his wrist. But that doesn't mean they've eschewed additional security measures. It might seem paranoid and obsessive. But he prefers to be sure. ]
[ Stepping into the office, the fluorescent lights, reflecting off the tiled floor, make him narrow his eyes. The cops at his shoulders, two stern, bearded man, direct Hei to the desk for token paperwork. When they're done, Hei stalks right by them without a glance, following his nose to the warm curl of coffee in the waiting room. There, Pai's presence -- her snappy greeting -- has the same effect on him as the coffee scent. In a blink, the weariness fades. He offers her a half-smile, ]
Sometimes. But I'm told it's not contagious.
action;
I'm more worried it's genetic. [She makes a little face at him before leaning her head against his shoulder. Somewhere in the room, a man makes a noise about what a cute couple they are. Disgusting, but he's hardly the first person to think that of the two of them. Pai certainly doesn't help matters with the way she's dressed (specially chosen because it was an outfit he bought for her), and how she clings to him.]
action;
[ His expression softens as he gathers her in -- all summery and girlish with that fluttery dress that falls in folds of pale linen around her legs. It reminds him vaguely of the white dress she'd had on when they were children. Right before the sky collapsed around them and everything happy or carefree was interminably erased from their vocabularies. He doesn't expect that innocence to return. But there are few enough reminders of his past that don't leave him chilly inside. Pai, beaming in a peppermint-white dress? Definitely one of them. ]
In that case, blame our parents. Isn't that what most children do?
no subject
Come on. Let's go home.
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[ Should be. ]
[ He doesn't mention that, though. Just falls into step beside her, fingers loosely linked with hers. ]
Do I want to know how messy the apartment is?
[ It's a dry tease, mostly because Pai cleans up after herself better than most teenagers do. Still, she hasn't inherited Hei's almost spartan sense of neatness. ]
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Maybe you should have left me with a maid, not a babysitter.
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There's no guarantee she wouldn't accidentally set the apartment's booby traps off.
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I had reasons to increase the security at the new place. [ A pause, before he admits, his tone halting as if the words are caught in his throat, ] There was a ... break-in during a curse, several months ago.
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What happened?
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Korra and Chekov were cursed with [ ridiculous ] superpowers. So they broke into my flat and glued all my things to the ceiling. [ One beat, then two, before he sums up, ] I responded to this by wrecking the bar Korra worked at, stringing Pavel up to a pole, and possibly chipping one of Korra's teeth. [ There were other disasters that transpired that night too. But he has no intention of getting into them. He's done his share of ugly things in Pai's presence -- but those were all centered on keeping her safe. Paradoxically, the one thing that had stopped him that night ... was Pai's memory. ]
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They were stupid. [Why would they want to glue things to Hei's ceiling anyway? What do superpowers have to do with complete idiocy?]
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[ That night, like the weekend he was cursed to go on a killing spree, were reminders that the beast was seething and alive in him all along -- depraved and wild and unstoppable after years in its filthy cage. ]
[ Eyes dipping, he squeezes Pai's hand. ] They were. [ He won't make excuses or say it comes with their age. But that doesn't mean he'll excuse himself either. In a different tone, he asks, ] So what did you get up to, while I was away?
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[Teasing, teasing. But a stranger listening wouldn't be able to tell.]
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[ Unwrapping his bun, he takes a big bite of the soft fragrant bread, before glancing at her. ]
No one else bothered you, did they?
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[ Lowering his voice, he murmurs, ]
I'll tell you what I learnt from Anonymous' notes. Once we're home and I've fed you an actual meal.
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I want steak empanadas.
[(In her heart of hearts, she's even less resentful than she seems. But a guilty Hei is a Hei even more inclined than usual to give her what she wants.)]
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[ He's smiling when he looks at Pai -- this wily yet still-innocent creature shuffled onto his deck, who thinks pouts and petulance will give her what she wants, when all she has to do is tell him. She can't coax or charm him into loving her more, not when he already does with everything he is. ]
I'll make so many you'll be sick of them.
[ It's as close as he gets to saying We're on borrowed time here, and I'll always make the most of it. ]
no subject
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[ Never say never when you have a determined chef, an abundance of raw materials, and hours to prepare second and third helpings. ]