☤ eighty-eight

[as_damaged]

[VOICE]

I do remember, I always used to wonder what it would be like to leave and come back... Whether I'd know where I was, or whether it would seem vaguely familiar but foreign. I know I didn't remember any of this at home... [which is probably for the best. She pauses a long moment before continuing.] It's a little fuzzy, but I know where I am, so it could be worse.

Or maybe I'm only imagining I've left. It wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen, here. That much I'm sure of.

I guess I'll see at midnight. That's still how it works, isn't it?


[ooc; Age Reversal, or rather... fast forwarding. Replies from her blonde account, popsong_wisdom-- just pretend she's, uh, heavily pregnant. Open to action around the City, she's just sight-seeing. Hit me ooc if you've questions or want anything special <3]

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[intheblanks]

It doesn't matter.

[He's never assumed she'd run back. Not in the brief time he'd spent at home - too brief for him to remove his wedding ring - and not in a full year here. But, for a long time, he'd thought maybe he could re-win her.

It seems less likely, now. And there's a stab of guilt that this year without her might have let him even begin to come to terms with that. But he holds her - gently, gently - as if there's a way he might not have to let go. He rests the side of his head against hers, still used to the difference in their heights if not the width that his arms have to accommodate.]

Allison... I would love this kid so much, if you let me. If staying out of your way's the price for that then I'll pay it, but... however long this lasts, if you get to remember one thing when you go, remember how much I'd love them.

[popsong_wisdom]

[The funny thing is, here he might have had half a chance of it. Here, she knows enough to know there's not much to look forward to; and for a long time she thought perhaps they might make the most of it. Now and then she still entertains the possibility, but the truth is with everything unsaid there's no solid ground to start from, and bringing everything into the open might well ruin the chances. It's easier on her to assume he's through with it.

Or, it was yesterday and it will be tomorrow. Today is an entirely different matter, with a different end.

She pulls back just enough to meet his eyes, cupping his face in her hands.]

That has never been the question. Not for a moment.

[intheblanks]

Does anything, really, matter more?

[He can't help but lean into her, bowing his head and closing his eyes. There's no way to explain how pulled apart his heart is right now, how strange it is to spend working days with a woman he's afraid will stop loving him, before she's even started. How long he's been walking on eggshells.

And it doesn't matter. Because she's the end result. Whatever happens, if they can end up here, things might just be okay. That old faith in forever can't be kept down for good.

He sighs, resting his head against her hand.]

I'll give you all the space you need in return for weekends and holidays, if that's what you want. It's been a year, here and I'm... coping. It hasn't always been good, I'm not always proud of what I do. I'm not going to pretend part of me won't always be waiting for you, Allison, but I'm coping. You don't have to cut yourself and [A wordless, downward glance] out of my life to help me get by.

[popsong_wisdom]

It's not about space.

[She rests a hand on the back of his neck, leaning back against him easily. They don't fit together as well, with three of them there, but it's as comfortable as ever.

What it is about isn't so easy to define. Partially it's about Dibala, about what he did, though truth be told time has eased that a little. It's more about his refusal to admit it was wrong; and mostly, perhaps, about what he chose over her. That he wouldn't take the out she offered.

Whether that would have worked... is another matter, and she's more or less come to terms with the thought that it would have torn them apart to run, too. She can't help but think there should have been-- should be-- some third option.]

I can't... I won't remember, you know. I don't want to make a promise I can't keep.

[intheblanks]

[He may never believe that what he did was wrong - hard to live with, yes, but debatably no more difficult than watching the news reports having let a mass murderer walk out of the front doors - but the decision not to go with her he'll always question. At home he thought there was a point to prove. Here, it's seemed less and less valid.

Holding her now, the point - his reasons - have all but faded away. He'd promise her a move to Chicago tomorrow. But he can't, and she won't remember.]

I know. [The smile's gentle, bittersweet.] I just have to hope it's not the only chance I get to plead my case.

[He looks up at her, looking for something.]

Are you happy? Happier?

[popsong_wisdom]

[She flashes a brief, tight smile. It doesn't quite touch her eyes.]

I was angry. For a long time, but... [She takes a breath.] I'm not sure I can say I'm happy. I'm working on it.

[She looks down, or tries to-- it's no small feat since they're so close together.]

I think... I'm better than I would have been if I'd tried to stay.

[And she looks back up. She ought to ask in return, but for the moment she has the advantage of time, knowing what's in store.]

[intheblanks]

[Perhaps he'd rather not have known, but he needed to hear it said. That she sticks by her decision.

He reaches up, gently, to take one of her hands.]

We should get going so you can get off your feet.

[popsong_wisdom]

[Maybe it would have been kinder to lie, but that's never been the person she is.]

I do miss you.

[She is nothing if not truthful. Curling her fingers in his, she half smiles.]

Now that you mention it, I wouldn't mind sitting down a while.

[intheblanks]

[He just squeezes her fingers lightly in response. He doesn't let go, though, and it feels somehow right to walk hand in hand with her.]