ONE [VIDEO/ACTION]

[hates_most_things]

[April is wearing a ridiculous out fit involving a towel turban and a ray gun made mostly out of tinfoil. She speaks mostly in an abrupt monotone and her creepy eyes stare straight into your soul.]

Greetings. I am the Great Ludgata, your new overlord. Bow down before me minions--and bring me coffee. Now. With cream and sugar.

[She glares for a second, then slumps back down onto a bench near the fountain, speaking in a slightly more normal tone. Slightly.]

Okay, for real my name is April. OR IS IT? I once drove a riding mower through a Nordstrom. It's kind of lame here and I'm pissed so you should pacify me with coffee anyway.

[ooc: No confused accidental intro for April. Action for anyone in the square--she's just standing on a park bench filming herself. Also she maybe stole somebody's towel off the line?]

Comments

[pinkeffinprofessional]

What.

[hates_most_things]

What?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

Do any of your thoughts make sense flowing from one to the other?

[hates_most_things]

Maybe I'm not trying to make sense.

[never_very_good]

Why'd you drive a lawnmower through a Nordstrom?

[hates_most_things]

It was there and I was bored

[never_very_good]

And that's how you decide to introduce yourself?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

You mean you're being intentionally confusing.

[hates_most_things]

Obviously.

[never_very_good]

Hey, okay. Whatever works for you.

[hates_most_things]

Did you want a gold star for your insight?

[hates_most_things]

Hold on.

[April puts the device on the ground and stands on the bench shouting with her hand dramatically against her forehead.]

Oh, no! Where am I? How did I get here? What's going on? Am I being kidnapped. ARE YOU A PERVERTED KIDNAPPER WHO KIDNAPPED ME?? Someone please send help and Xanax.

[April staggers, collapses, lies still for a moment and then picks up the device again.]

There, was that a better introduction for you? That's traditional, right?

[pinkeffinprofessional]

I'll stick with hoarding the fucking coffee, thanks.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

I'm not sure any of that is a ringing endorsement for bringing you coffee.

[hates_most_things]

Whatever.

[hates_most_things]

It was worth a try.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

It was a nice change from what we normally hear.

[never_very_good]

That's traditional, yeah. [He's amused tho.] I just thought, maybe save "I do dumb shit when I'm bored" til after you get your drink.

[hates_most_things]

Apparently. Like, I get the appeal of panicking, but it's kind of overdone as social network topic here.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

[This man has less than no idea what a social network is, but he can figure it out well enough.]

Panicking is also unproductive. I think coffee's a better answer.

[hates_most_things]

I got bored of getting drunk when I turned 21.

[hates_most_things]

Which I would buy for myself if someone would TAKE MY MONEY.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

That's not going to work.

[hates_most_things]

Maybe I should go back to trying to hold people up at raygunpoint.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

You could also go to the Welcome Center and get free coffee.

[A pause.]

What's a ray gun?