[ тняєє ]

[unflagging]

[Voice Post;]
[You'd think it was accidental by the way it all starts up so suddenly. Truth be told, it isn't. Carry that device in one's pocket and one can start it up almost any time one likes. But let's pretend it is accidental. Listen: footsteps, clicky clocky bootheels walking on pavement. ... And a tiny, tinny, feminine voice... With a distinctly French accent. She's distant at first, but catching up fast...]

Oh, mon petit, mon petit, zhere is so much that I must tell you! Attendre un moment, s'il vous plaît. [Panting for breath] Zhere is so so much, mon petit. Oui, oui, beaucoup de choses, je suis certaine...

[Clicky clocky bootheels stop, grind grit as they turn. There is some agitated chicken clucking, feathers being ruffled back into place, &c. Cluckcluckcluck...]

Alors, oui, laissez-moi réfléchir. For zhe details of l'amour, oui, zhey, how you say, most complex, oui? Oui. Ah! I shall begin wiz zhe simplest. C'est bon. And you, mon petit, you must attend, oui? Oui. Zhere is... Zhere is... [une pause] Zhere is...

[Chilly silence for a moment.]

Oui?

[Quietly, with a little distance:]

Mais... Non.

Mais oui. Please, do go on. [une autre pause] Ma cocotte.

Je ne pense pas que je n'ai rien à vous dire.

[A furry of flapping chicken feathers, clucking, flapping, clucking, flapping--the fat little creature is trying to get off the ground only with some difficulty. Odd little display. Hurry. Bug out. Get-out-of-there-chicken sounds.

Une autre pause. Oui. And then, a little hurt:]

Well. That wasn't very nice.

[Silence for a moment, grit underfoot again. Then footsteps again.

Then...humming? Yes. Humming. And then...]

J'ai changé cent fois de nom, j'ai perdu femme et enfants, mais j'ai tant d'amis.

[And then quiet whistling for what must be a few verses (yes, it is a few verses, actually). And then, quietly...]

Oh, the wind, the wind is blowing, through the graves the wind is blowing, freedom soon will come...

Then we'll come from the shadows...

[Click.]
[//voice post ends]

[ooc: Someone had a chicken bothering him. And then he bothered the chicken. Pretty much. So! Special thanks to Leonard Cohen (I don't think he wants those thanks).]

Comments

voice;

[maoser]

There's a lot of French on the network today.

voice;

[unflagging]

I know, isn't there?

voice;

[maoser]

I've never understood why French is considered the language of love. I've always thought it sounded vulgar.

voice;

[unflagging]

Vulgar or obscene? Because if it sounds obscene, well, there's your answer.

voice;

[maoser]

[Mao lets out a huff of amusement.]

I've always thought that Spanish sounded nicer. And had a broader range of vocabulary.

[This could be native-tongue bias talking. Or maybe he's just trolling.]

voice;

[unflagging]

In terms of obscenity?

[A pause...]

Yeah, maybe.

Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

They seem to be leaving me alone!

[Very happy about that.]

Audio

[unflagging]

Likewise! Can't say I mind either.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

As in straight avoiding me.

It's kind of funny to watch them flee before me.

Audio

[unflagging]

Seriously? I kind of wish I had that problem instead. As it is, it feels like they're giving me up as a lost cause.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Seriously. Which is a lot better than getting chased up a tree.

Audio

[unflagging]

I think I heard about that.

Good thing you're a fast climber.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Hah. Hah. Yeah.

I learned to be a quick climber at a very young age.

Audio

[unflagging]

Has it always been geese?

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Animals in general.

Audio

[unflagging]

I see. What a difficult state of affairs.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

I grew up in a city so I didn't have too many problems.

Audio

[unflagging]

Yeah, that'd solve that problem.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Yeah. It made my life easier.

Audio

[unflagging]

Unless you got treed by stray cats all the time. I'm just saying.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Nah. Cats don't mind me.

[Unfortunately.]

Audio

[unflagging]

Then I guess you're good in a city.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

If you like cats.

Audio

[unflagging]

I don't mind them. What's your take on the critters?

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

I don't have an opinion on cats in general. If we're talking specific cats however...

Audio

[unflagging]

We can talk specific cats, sure. I always heard Behemoth was a jerk.

[ooc: Behemoth references a particular character in a novel. Probably.]

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

[Sadly, Theo isn't up on his Russian literature.]

One of my co-workers has a cat that teleports for a familiar. He thinks she might be part fairy cat - and since he's the medical expert in animals I'm inclined to believe him.

So. Take all the normal irritating cat tendencies and add teleportation to it.

Audio

[unflagging]

[You should read it sometime, Theo. It's great.]

So it really could...get into...anything.

[He kind of wants one. But he won't admit it.]

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

[Well, the intern is Russian. Maybe he'll get to it that way.]

She does.

And she just had six kittens.

Who also teleport.

[People say that. And then they end up with kitten in their coffee. Or cat having eaten your lunch you put in the fridge. Or every time you sit down you have a cat/kitten under you squeaking...and forget tossing them out for the night, they can just teleport back in.]

And one of them eats anything.

[Go on. Ask him what he means by that.]

Audio

[unflagging]

So you've got seven teleporting cats of various sizes and there's nothing to be done about it. At least they like you.

[Okay...]

Anything?

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Pretty much. It makes office work interesting.

They ignore me mostly. Which is the same thing in cat, isn't it?

[You can almost see the grin on his face.]

Yes. Anything. His favorite snacks include silverware and rocks.

Also hard drives.

And cell phones.

And tuna fish, in the can.

Audio

[unflagging]

Can and all? You're sure it's not a goat pretending to be a cat?

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Of course can and all.

No. Trever thinks he might have some goblin in him, from whatever the father might have been. The double row of teeth the critter has supports that theory.

[Theo leads a relatively weird life. Even for people from his world.]

Audio

[unflagging]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess double rows of teeth might tip you off to that, sure.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Just a little bit.

Audio

[unflagging]

At least it's not chasing you up a tree.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

He just ate my cellphone.

And then my new one I got to replace it.

[Cheerful now.]

However Trever's got the worst of it because they belong to his familiar so they have to go home with him.

Audio

[unflagging]

[Equally cheerful.]

Poor guy.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Though the question is which is worse? A chicken that tries to give you romance advice or a kitten that eats anything.

Audio

[unflagging]

I'll have the chicken, please.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

Yeah. You can eat the chicken if it gets too annoying.

Audio

[unflagging]

But does that make me better or worse than the kitten who will eat anything? Clearly, if I can and will eat the chicken, I must have something in common with such a kitten who can and will eat things as it pleases too.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

I'm assuming you have some discrimination in what you will and won't eat.

Meanwhile Mayhem will try and eat the chicken because it's there.

Audio

[unflagging]

If I was hungry enough I'd eat the chicken because it was there.

No, don't worry--I get what you're trying to say.

Re: Audio

[deadmanbusiness]

I figured.