Dr. Greg House, MD (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
vicodincrutch) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
poly_chromatic2012-11-15 07:25 pm
vicodincrutch) wrote in poly_chromatic2012-11-15 07:25 pm
Entry tags:
150 DIAGNOSIS
Today is busy. Very busy. I don't have time for a formal Q and A. Let me save you some googling. Read while you wait for the next available medical help.
1. If it looks broken, it probably is.
2. If it doesn't look broken, it probably still is.
3. If it's straight, don't bend it.
4. If it's bent, don't straighten it.
5. If it's protruding, don't stick it back in.
6. If it's impaled, don't pull it back out.
7. If it's bleeding, cover it.
8. If it bleeds through your covering, cover it again - without peeking back underneath.
9. If it's really ugly, cover it twice. (Remember, if it's making you sick, imagine what it's doing to the owner.)
10. No matter what it looks like, don't be trying to make it look like something else. It is what it is - deal with it.
11. If it's burnt, wet it. (Water only. If all you have handy is butter, save it for the toast.)
12. If it's wet, don't dry it. If it's dry, don't wet it.
13. If it's blistered, don't mess with it. Blisters are nature's own dressing. It's like being a natural blonde - nothing you can add or subtract will improve upon it.
14. If it's violently seizing, protect it.
15. When it quits seizing violently, move in, protecting yourself. Even a semi- seizing patient has no control - if you get hurt, it'll be your own damn fault.
16. Don't stick your fingers in anyone's mouth. (see #15)
17. Better yet, don't stick your fingers in anyone's anything. No one appreciates it.
18. If it's unconscious, watch it breath - carefully and continuously.
19. If it quits breathing, breath for it - also carefully and continuously.
20. If it fell, don't be moving it.
21. If you even suspect it might have fallen, don't be moving it.
22. If it looks like it's going to fall on you, move yourself.
23. If it fell into the middle of anything arcing, sparking, spitting or hissing don't go near it - regardless of your first inclination.
24. Don't move anyone involved in a motor vehicle accident. In order to protect your own neck in court at some later date, protect theirs in the seat where they sit.
25. If the car is on fire or underwater - ignore #24. Get them the hell outa there while protecting their neck (and your own) as well as possible. Worry about legalities at some later date - it looks much better if you're both alive to even go to court.
26. If it's too hot - strip it. (Within reason, of course - unless it's an infant - in which case ask the parent's permission and then strip the baby bare.)
27. If it's too cold - cover it.
28. Remember that no one's dead until they're warm dead - especially if it involves water or weather.
29. If it tells you it's going to die - believe it and act accordingly - only faster.
30. Make sure your scene is safe and secure before you rush in.
31. Remember that no scene is ever truly secure. Murphy absolutely adores a supposedly safe scene.
32. Believe what you see.
1. If it looks broken, it probably is.
2. If it doesn't look broken, it probably still is.
3. If it's straight, don't bend it.
4. If it's bent, don't straighten it.
5. If it's protruding, don't stick it back in.
6. If it's impaled, don't pull it back out.
7. If it's bleeding, cover it.
8. If it bleeds through your covering, cover it again - without peeking back underneath.
9. If it's really ugly, cover it twice. (Remember, if it's making you sick, imagine what it's doing to the owner.)
10. No matter what it looks like, don't be trying to make it look like something else. It is what it is - deal with it.
11. If it's burnt, wet it. (Water only. If all you have handy is butter, save it for the toast.)
12. If it's wet, don't dry it. If it's dry, don't wet it.
13. If it's blistered, don't mess with it. Blisters are nature's own dressing. It's like being a natural blonde - nothing you can add or subtract will improve upon it.
14. If it's violently seizing, protect it.
15. When it quits seizing violently, move in, protecting yourself. Even a semi- seizing patient has no control - if you get hurt, it'll be your own damn fault.
16. Don't stick your fingers in anyone's mouth. (see #15)
17. Better yet, don't stick your fingers in anyone's anything. No one appreciates it.
18. If it's unconscious, watch it breath - carefully and continuously.
19. If it quits breathing, breath for it - also carefully and continuously.
20. If it fell, don't be moving it.
21. If you even suspect it might have fallen, don't be moving it.
22. If it looks like it's going to fall on you, move yourself.
23. If it fell into the middle of anything arcing, sparking, spitting or hissing don't go near it - regardless of your first inclination.
24. Don't move anyone involved in a motor vehicle accident. In order to protect your own neck in court at some later date, protect theirs in the seat where they sit.
25. If the car is on fire or underwater - ignore #24. Get them the hell outa there while protecting their neck (and your own) as well as possible. Worry about legalities at some later date - it looks much better if you're both alive to even go to court.
26. If it's too hot - strip it. (Within reason, of course - unless it's an infant - in which case ask the parent's permission and then strip the baby bare.)
27. If it's too cold - cover it.
28. Remember that no one's dead until they're warm dead - especially if it involves water or weather.
29. If it tells you it's going to die - believe it and act accordingly - only faster.
30. Make sure your scene is safe and secure before you rush in.
31. Remember that no scene is ever truly secure. Murphy absolutely adores a supposedly safe scene.
32. Believe what you see.