poly_chromatic | [video]

Entry tags:

murder by numbers - justin pendleton

[video]

[This is Justin making a post. Reluctantly. If there weren't people he hopes to see again, he would happily spend the day in his room with his cat and a book. As it is, he's in the garden with his cat and a book.]

For those of you who are new to the City, don't panic. This happens periodically. It's temporary. Anyone who arrived today and hasn't been here before: Don't panic. You'll go home soon.

"Don't panic" is actually the best advice I have.

If you're looking for me, I'll be in Xanadu.

[Private to Ken Ichijouji]

I'd like to discuss something with you, please.

[ooc: Anything goes! Replies may be sporadic due to NaNo.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes. There aren't too many people that have shown me kindness since my arrival here that are still around. But you're definitely one of them. You always seem to be looking out for me, or my well-being.

It's not... [how to explain this] I don't do that, usually--look out for people. But you remind me of me, when I was younger.

I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did.

[Even knowing that doesn't change anything. If anything, Ken feels even more touched.]

What mistakes are those?

Taking life too seriously, for one. That's a good way to miss things. Taking ideas seriously... until they're all you have, and people start looking less like people and more like pawns.

[He can't believe he's trying to give life advice to Ken. Like Justin's qualified to talk about good life choices.]

Don't let yourself stay miserable, I guess. I don't think you'll have trouble with that, but I'm still trying to learn.

...I'm afraid that's a mistake I've already made. I mean, I'm learning to take life less seriously. And I'm learning how good friends are. But I already played with people and Digimon alike as pawns.

[It hurts to admit that, that he's been a horrible person in the past, but it's almost easy to tell it to Justin, now.]

I'm actually pretty happy here. And if you want help learning that, I could try to help.

Then you already know not to do that again.

[Justin still doesn't know exactly what Digimon are. For the purpose of not appearing ignorant, he doesn't mention this. What Ken's saying is clear enough without knowing, anyway.]

I don't know if that's something that can be taught.

Yes, I do. It's something I would never do again.

...you're probably right. But it's still something I could share, isn't it? At least, I'm happier when I'm around people I trust and like.

If you wanted to share...

[Justin realizes that he falls into that "trust and like" category. He's not quite sure what to do with that knowledge.]

You're a good person, whatever mistakes you've made.

Of course I want to share.

[That was said with a smile, but then Ken's expression changes to surprise, and a light blush.]

I.... I don't know if I am or not. But I'm trying my best to be one.

Thank you.

The most you can do is try.

I guess. I'll definitely keep trying.

I will, too.

I didn't know you needed to try. From what I've seen, you are a good person.

Maybe now.

Whatever you did in the past, it's not who you are now, right? So then doesn't who you are now matter most? [Stuff Ken could say to himself.]

It does...

Do you believe that?

[Ken nods his head.]

Yes.... Even if I have trouble with myself. I really am not the person I was before. I've made sure of that.

What have you done to make sure?

The things I did before...I'd never do anything like that again. I'm more aware of the world around me. And I'm trying to take down the people that caused a lot of the mess.

That's... a lot more than I've done to fix things. You've forgiven yourself, haven't you?

What else could you do, though?

[He goes quiet for a long while after Justin's question.]

I think...that part is going to take a little more time.

I don't know.

[He nods in response to the latter.]

That's the hardest part. Forgiveness.

Then I'm sure you've done all that you could.

[He nods.] I'm still going to try. [AND FAIL for a while.]

[Going to jail, dying a few times, and serving with the police doesn't exactly fix murdering someone, but.]

Good luck. If you need to talk, ever...

Same for you. If you ever want to talk, I'll listen.

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