01 / video

[worstretconever]

[The man on the screen appears to be surprisingly cheerful for someone who's just been kidnapped and plopped down in a strange city; he's favouring all of you with a slightly manic sort of grin.]

Hello, City! It is City, yes? I've got that right? Interesting little multidimensional nexus you've got here - can't say I've ever seen one of those before, and I've been around quite a bit. I'd kill for the technology they use to kidnap people and bring them here.

[No, really, he would.]

PS, Doctor, I can tell you're out there somewhere. Why am I not surprised in the slightest?

Comments

video:

[charring]

Sounds like you've been here before.

[In which Charlie continues to make bad life-choices and talks to the Wrong Fucking People.]

That works. I hate the explanation speech.

[infernoandhearth]

Why not try asking the unfriendly local pantheon about it?

[worstretconever]

Me? No, I'm just extraordinarily good at figuring things out quickly.

[This might have involved some creative interrogation of NPCs, too.]

[worstretconever]

Oh, dear, there's a local pantheon? Deities can be so insufferable at times.

[infernoandhearth]

Can't they just? They're not even interesting, really, I've not seen them once, the whole time I've been here. I'm relying on rumour of their presence. They've their own building which shoots lasers at birds.

[charring]

That works. You'll manage just fine here, then.

[worstretconever]

Birds? Such a waste of perfectly good lasers. If they wanted to be effective, they would use their weapons systems to strike fear into the hearts of the city's denizens, or at least threaten them with it.

[worstretconever]

I'm adaptable, I can usually manage anywhere.

[If by manage, you mean 'ultimately attempt to conquer'.]

[infernoandhearth]

I believe it's to prevent roosting. Or possibly voiding waste.

I'm not sure there's much point in them striking fear in general if they've no real purpose in mind. They already have us here, don't they?

[charring]

[Charlie's eyebrows raise just a bit. She knows what it means to be adaptable. Loads of experience in that area.]

Well, welcome to the worst City ever. Hope it goes easy on you.

[worstretconever]

They aren't very omnipotent deities if they can't manage to keep birds off their buildings without lasers.

Of course there's a point! It's always good to instill fear in the populace one's ruling over, whether or not there's a purpose to it. Particularly if they aren't inclined to go the other route and encourage their subjects to mindless worship.

[infernoandhearth]

Possibly they think it's the best method because it's funny. I would.

They don't seem inclined towards anything but regularly cursing the population, and I'm honestly uncertain whether that's them or the city itself doing it.

[worstretconever]

Worst city ever? Really? Have you ever been to Manchester?

[charring]

No. Never traveled outside the US, actually.

[worstretconever]

I think electrifying the building itself would be much more amusing, but I suppose everybody's entitled to their own opinion.

Cursing the population? How quaint.

[worstretconever]

Oh...America. I am sorry.

[charring]

What? Why? America is fabulous. [Hear that flat tone? She hates America. The Shop is there. They're not elsewhere, where she'd very much like to be.]

[infernoandhearth]

But then there's a circular mess directly beside it. And it's easier to anticipate.

It's actually rather fun.

[worstretconever]

Birds aren't exactly the brightest creatures. Kind of like humans, really.

Dare I ask what sort of cursing?

[worstretconever]

Well, you've certainly convinced me!

[Thread sarcasm levels rising.]

[infernoandhearth]

Oh. Were we still talking about birds?

All sorts. Forced shape changing, mind control, exchanged consciousnesses. Things like that.

[worstretconever]

Birds, apes, same difference - not from any sort of scientific perspective, obviously.

Really? How fascinating. Mind control isn't terribly difficult - the most basic forms of it, anyway - but everything else seems rather interesting.

[charring]

Scratch that off my to-do list, then. I'm Charlie.

[infernoandhearth]

It was only that it would be rather a waste to electrify an entire building if you only meant to catch birds.

It hasn't mattered to me yet whether or not it's complicated, so far. They do such fun things with it.

video

[accidentalfugitive]

I think as of now you'd be better off killing for the technology to get out of here.