Entry 581; Day 1359

[misterblackbird]

[Filtered from Known DELILAH Members & Setsuna Mundou || Unhackable]
I suppose it isn't so uncommon to be nervous on one's wedding day. I just didn't think it would be so bad as this.

I think this must be my third cup of tea and none of them have done anything to soothe my nerves.

And I'm not even certain what it is I'm so nervous about.

It isn't as though a wedding is such a strange thing--I've certainly attended enough of them in my life. And I know any number of married couples and they all seem calm enough.

I'm not even concerned about my father. And I know it's well within his inclinations to ruin celebrations like this. He was not invited nor will he be invited and, if he should still insist on showing his face this evening, he will not be allowed into the church. I'm glad for more than one reason that He-Who-Kills will be my witness today. If anyone can keep my father at bay, it will be him. No, I'm not even concerned that my father might try to ruin everything. I think, after all we've endured with him, we would press on with the ceremony even if the walls of the church were falling down around our ears. And to hell with him. He's of no concern to me.

Perhaps the only explanation is because it's my own wedding. And I never quite thought I should live to see such a day.

It is a bit strange, though, to have a wedding in the evening like this. Where I come from--and I told Setsuna as much when we were planning all of this--weddings are usually morning affairs, perhaps as much so that the couple can set off on their honeymoon that very day.

But there is something appealing about an evening wedding. Certainly, I think our guests will be much more inclined to celebrate of an evening than of a morning.

Unfortunately, it means I've very little to do between now and then but to wait and drink more tea than I ought to.

Well, that and coming back into my room to look at my clothes all laid out for me--and the ring over on the dresser. I could go without my suit so long as I still have that ring. Still, I sincerely hope that I shall be able to tie my own necktie. But if my hands keep shaking, it may be something of a trial.

He'll look fantastic, I know. I can already imagine it, but I know the truth will be a hundred times better.

I suspect everything is ready (and I shall thank Rosella for that), save for the two of us.

I shouldn't be nervous. I'm glad for today. I'm glad to marry Setsuna. We've known each other long enough and been engaged for long enough, it's high time we married. And I'm glad that he would marry me, despite all the hideous things my father might say or do or threaten. Nothing my father might do could undo us. I'm glad to marry him. And I love him. I love him immensely. And I'm not afraid to say that.

Half-past five isn't so far off now. But it still feels like it's ages away.

~C.
[//end filter]

[Private || Unhackable]
I think of Riff sometimes, too. I think of him more often than I'd like. He seems to creep in unexpectedly, or to step into my thoughts just as quietly as he'd ever step into the room. It's almost as though I can see him there, standing in the doorway, and smiling in the way he always did.

But Riff-- But I'm marrying Setsuna. I'm marrying him today and I shouldn't be thinking of Riff, not after this long.

Riff would be glad for me, wouldn't he? He always was glad for me when something good happened for me. That's how he was.

I should be marrying him, I know, but that's ridiculous. I loved him. I still love him. We would have married. But I can't marry him now. I know that. After he left for school on the Continent, after the accident--

Is it because we didn't say goodbye as I might have wished we had? I was so sure I'd see him again so soon, so I--

I love Setsuna--I know I do. I'm not marrying him as some kind of replacement. I'm not trying to use him to mend my heart. I keep trying to explain that to myself and it never seems to work. But I love him. I love him as he is, for himself and for his smile and for his own ways. He isn't Riff and I love him even if I still love Riff and that is impossible.

I still love Riff. Perhaps I'll never stop loving him even if I know he's gone. Perhaps that's how it must be. But I know he's gone. And I love Setsuna. I love him.

I love him and I'm marrying him today.

So why--
[//end private filter]

[Private to Setsuna || Hand-Delivered Letter]

Setsuna--

It's only been a matter of hours, not days, since we last saw one another. I know: I counted it out. So why does it feel like absolute ages since yesterday afternoon? I know absence makes the heart grow fonder, but this really is ridiculous.

We really ought to do something about this if we can. Time ought to slow down after this evening, not before. It's being quite inconsiderate, really.

I can't wait to see you. I can hardly bear it. I'm counting out the hours again. Soon enough I'll count out the minutes. I can already imagine how it will be to see you, I can already see how the sunlight will fall and how the candles will shine and even how the flowers will glow with the light and how I know you'll smile until your eyes shine.

I can't wait to see that. I can't wait to see you.

With all my love always,
~C.

[---]

[ooc: Awwww schmoopy cursed!engaged!Cain~ All hung up on the Family Day curse~ If you're acquainted with Cain and/or Setsuna, please know that you would have received the above invitation (engraved, of course, and in the requisite two envelopes) for this evening's wedding ♥ Also, that note to Setsuna has been delivered with a flower or two by a friendly acquaintance, I'm sure. So no hacking~! Anyone got a sixpence handy? Maybe one of them will just tuck and Orange or a Red in his shoe♥]

Comments

[primrosella]

And I'll try my very best to take good care of you, you know that. And Setsuna, too, goodness! It wouldn't very well do to only look after your half of things.

[misterblackbird]

I don't know, I could be rather selfish and want to keep your help for myself. Setsuna can look after himself well enough.