poly_chromatic | 9th spell ~ [Voice | Sometime in the morning]

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merlin (bbc) - merlin

9th spell ~ [Voice | Sometime in the morning]

[You only get Merlin's voice today, City. And it's not a very happy one. Distressed, more like, and shaky.

He considered text, but something about that just didn't feel right.]

They're not real, are they? I mean...

[Clearing his throat a little, he tries to get something more understandable across.]

Is anyone else seeing their father? This seems to be another staying-inside day, I don't think I feel up for much.

[Filtered to Arthur]

Arthur, would you-- Uhm... Can we talk? It's... It's sort of another secret, so it's your choice, but... I would like to. I think.

[Filtered to Charlie]

Can we do that... blanket fort thing? I can come over to you later, if it works for you. There's just... something I need to do first.

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[ nonsense. It's perfectly reasonable expectations! ]

Thank heavens for that too otherwise we'd all be in a heap of trouble. [and shush, it's not Arthur's fault magic was outlawed. He's like a newborn babe without any knowledge of what's realistically possible with magic. ]

[ he wipes his hands clean after getting the target exactly where he wants it. ] Right, anyway. What was it you wished to discuss?

[No, it's certainly not. Arthur's fault, that is, but not the expectations either.

Merlin licks his lips, and steps to the side far away from that target. Just in case]

Uhm... You know what the City's doing today? Some people see their fathers, like a sort of... illusion. It... hasn't happened for you yet, but... we talked about the parents we've never met, once. I never knew mine until a... a year or two ago.

[ Arthur tilted his head, listening. It's not the first he's heard of it no; it's a little difficult to miss after all, even for Arthur.

He had almost hoped... ]

So, what of it? You had a visit from your father? He must be proud of what you've accomplished, especially since coming here I would think. [ he tried to put a smile on it, forgoing the pang of guilt that he was glad Uther hadn't paid him a visit. He was certain there would be naught but chastisements for him. He's slipped; Arthur full well knows he has. ]

[Oh. Oh, wow. He doesn't really expect such an obvious... compliment like that, and it makes it impossible for him not to smile. A little bashful, maybe, but wide and happy.]

Uhm... Yeah. The... The thing is...

[Shaking his head, he drops the smile a little, to a softer one as he takes a deep breath.]

I only saw him for... not even two whole days, before he was killed.

[ it's a compliment well deserved. Arthur has little doubt he'd have fared much more poorly if not for Merlin. ]

And? [ Arthur waits for the other shoe to drop. If Merlin wanted him sitting on the edge of his seat, he's succeeded. For truly, what does this have to do with Arthur. ]

[Yes, right, he supposes he'll go ahead and drop that then. This is going to seem like quite the subject change, really, but.

Another deep breath.]

Ever wondered how your father managed to capture the Great Dragon? My father helped him. He was... He was a Dragonlord so he could... control the dragons. And then... [A grimace.] Then he had to flee because the king thought a Dragonlord was too closely connected to magic. He was the only one who managed to escape.

[He looks away for a moment, licking his lips, but makes himself turn his gaze back to Arthur. No looking away.]

That... ability... that gift, is passed down from father to son when the father dies. So.

[He raises his arms, just briefly before dropping them back down, like a sort of shrug.]

I'm a Dragonlord.

[ oh ]

[ well, he certainly wasn't expect that revelation to come out of nowhere to bludgeon him in the gut. ]

I see. And were you aware of that too before you came to the castle or is that something you learned at a later time? [ it's making his head reel just thinking of how close Arthur had been to the last dragon in Camelot. If he had somehow gotten loose...

He almost feels like he should be sitting, not standing in broad daylight with Merlin in front of him and pouring his heart out all over again. Just how many more secrets did this man have? ]

[You're dealing with it very well, though. Good boy.]

I learned it... around when I met him.

[A part of him wants Arthur to ask about the circumstances around him meeting Balinor, but another part doesn't want to go into that because... for Arthur, none of that has happened yet.]

[ Arthur rolls his eyes ] Out with it Merlin. There's clearly something more here you wish to say.

[ taking it well, you say? Perhaps, or perhaps Arthur is finally experiencing that thing known as sensory overload. After four months of constant surprises, he's bound to stop reacting to each and every little thing. ]

[So much hesitation. Ugh.]

Well...

It hasn't happened to you yet, but if you still want me to...

[ Arthur raises his brow and finally moves, but not towards Merlin. Oh no. He moves just enough to the side that he can sit on a bench because every yard has benches, especially fancy mansions like the Pevensie Mansion. ]

Very well then. Best get it over with. You're practically useless when you've got something on your mind as it is. [ aka, you're starting to make him worry! Stop that. This instance. ]

[Works for me. And with some hesitation, Merlin moves to sit down next to Arthur, with a roll of his eyes before he bites into his lip and leans on his thighs, clasping his hands between them. Right. Okay.]

I met my father... I didn't have any idea who he was for my whole life, until Gaius told me because you and I were riding out to look for him. We needed his help because...

[He takes a deep breath.]

Because the Great Dragon came free of his chain and attacked Camelot.

[ That makes Arthur sit up straight! ] But... that's impossible! That chain is supposed to be indestructible.

[ oh good... Arthur slumps back down, dazed and confused and showing it. Of all the things to look forward to in his future, that was not one he'd ever expected to deal with. ]

No wonder you were looking for your father. [ yes, he can see it now, Uther bending to wisdom and seeking out a dragon lord's aid. It's the only sensible thing to do in such a situation. But how many lives were lost... ]

[Merlin swallows, leans his head in his hands for a moment as he breathes through the way his throat twists, and when he leans back again he's looking away because he's not sure how to look at Arthur. Despite knowing that with how the situation was, it couldn't have turned out in another way, he does still wonder if... he could have done things differently, if he could have prevented it.

Maybe he couldn't have, but he knows that Kilgharrah eventually had to be freed. That's the only sure thing.]

It wasn't indestructible if you used magic.

Edited 2012-08-08 09:22 (UTC)

And who in the world had enough power to do that? [ He still believes in you Merlin. You don't have to go there, not if you don't want to. This whole thing was simply... impossible. ]

[No, he doesn't have to. He could make a lie that would likely leave Arthur none the wiser until they go home; he could shrug, say he doesn't know and leave it at that, but...

But would that be fair? Arthur's asked, so he has to answer, can't just avoid it. It's either tell the truth or lie like he's had for years, and it's not fair to Arthur. Not know, not that Arthur should be expecting him to tell the truth. And he would be breaking a promise. He had decided he wouldn't lie to Arthur again. He just hadn't expected this to come up at all.

He swallows thickly and just hopes that Arthur will give him a chance to explain when he says:]

I did.

[ there's a long moment of silence while that sinks in. Of all the things, of all the secrets it is this one that troubles Arthur the most. He could handle Merlin being a sorcerer. He could even live with it and vow to help keep it a secret.

But if it lead to this, he had to seriously wonder about Merlin's ability to think.

And not just think, but to act and that was always a questionable thing. Standing, he paced, trying to find words and failing. Anger showing on his face before he finally spins and points. ]

You did.

You decided to risk every last man, woman and child in Camelot because you had to free the dragon. Do you know what you've done? He's a dragon. A living, fire breathing dragon.

There's a reason he was chained. [ and a good part of that had to do with his father and that Arthur can't think about. Not now. Not when faced with this. He hasn't grown that much as of yet. But knowing what was to come, what was to happen... Scared him. And he hated feeling scared. ]

[Merlin bites back all kinds of reasoning about how Uther hunted the dragons because he decided they were dangerous, evil beasts when it's really much more complicated than that, because now isn't the time for that. Not yet. First, he needs to explain to Arthur why he had to release Kilgharrah even if he suspected he might attack Camelot.

He does realise what it meant, and, honestly, he's probably partly to blame one way or another, but it just went down in this rapid, downhill spiral that he couldn't have stopped in the end no matter how much he wanted to.]

I promised him I would. I didn't trust him, but I needed his help for something, and I'd already broken his trust once so he wasn't happy with me. But Camelot was going to fall if I didn't get his help, and he didn't believe me when I said I would free him, so I... swore on my mother's life that I would.

[He takes a deep breath.]

I tried to make him promise that he wouldn't attack Camelot, but... He didn't.

[ Arthur sits back down, stunned. ] Well. I see you certainly thought you were doing the right thing. Even if you were being an idiot.

Like always.

[ he shakes his head ] Go on, you might as well spill everything. That is what you wanted, isn't it? What about this... this thing you asked him to help you with? I can't believe you even trusted a dragon in the first place.

[ everything else is, well... processing. It's hard to think in the abstract when it's years still in the making. And while it might not be the first time, it's certainly the first time Arthur's really felt the disconnect between Merlin and himself. How could he trust Merlin, knowing all the things he'd done behind his back in... some nebulous future he may never get a chance to even see.?

... It was really starting to hurt his brain. A lot. ]

[Oh.

Oh, bloody hell, why does everything have a connection like that? He can't... He can't go into that, just can't. The mere thought of it locks up his tongue and clogs his throat and he can't. How could Arthur ever forgive him for that?

Another deep breath, so very shaky and he locks his hands together, pressing them to his forehead.]

Someone had cast a curse on Camelot that made everyone fall asleep. I needed to find a way to break it, and he was the only one I could go to. He was the only one... magic like that couldn't have an effect on.

[It would have had an effect on Morgana if she hadn't been the source, so that is a truth.]

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9th spell ~ [Voice | Sometime in the morning]

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