Calibration 46 [video]

[officer_garrus]

I think I'm going to stay inside today, so I can't risk inhaling cat hair.

Speaking of animals, I finally got myself something to keep me company.

[He goes off camera and comes back holding an iguana.]

She might not be a traditional pet, from what I understand, but I figured that a reptile would be safe enough for me, since they don't have hair.

I'm thinking of naming her Spike.

Comments

[pigtailsbutterflyknives]

Oh, my God! That's the coolest pet ever!

[officer_garrus]

Thanks.

[sealegs]

Allergic, sweet thing?

audio;

[signatures]

I heard in the news once a few iguanas eating their owner.

[officer_garrus]

The short answer is "yes".

audio;

[officer_garrus]

I'm sure that either those iguanas were very hungry or the owner was already dead.

[sealegs]

oh, so there's a long answer? Can I get that instead? I just love the sound of your voice.

[officer_garrus]

Well... alright. The long answer is that my biology and the biology of anything from Earth are adverse to each other. I can't even eat human food without risk of a hospital visit.

[sealegs]

Now that sounds bothersome. If all the elves and dwarves had to eat something different from humans-- well, I didn't think they could get much crankier.

So what do you eat?

[officer_garrus]

Oddly enough, most other species in my universe can safely eat human food.

I have a fridge and cupboards full of turian-friendly food.

[sealegs]

That's what you're called, I'm assuming. A turian?

[officer_garrus]

It is.

[sealegs]

Hmm. You're not allergic to actual humans, are you, sweet thing?

[officer_garrus]

Just bodily fluids.

[sealegs]

You're joking.

[DAMN IT.]

[officer_garrus]

Precautions do exist, for the xenophiles.

[At least, he thinks that's what she's getting at.]

[sealegs]

But I wanted to have sex with you!

[You can always count on Isabela to be as blunt as possible.]

[officer_garrus]

[He knew it.]

Trust me, unprotected interspecies sex would be just as dangerous for you.

[sealegs]

[Well you can't fault her!!!]

Kill-me-instantly dangerous or a-few-weeks-with-an-annoying-rash dangerous?

[officer_garrus]

Possible death before you could get medical attention. And before you say "worth it", it would happen before any real enjoyment.

[At least that's what Mordin's notes said.]

[sealegs]

Hmm-- you know, they have these wonderful rubber things here. Keeps the fluids-- in control, so to speak.

[officer_garrus]

They have those in my world too. Along with special protection for interspecies relations.

[sealegs]

Not sold at your local market here, I imagine. More's the pity.

[officer_garrus]

You'd probably like the asari. You don't need to use anything special when it comes to them.

[sealegs]

But do they have the same bulging muscles and that taut, towering figure?

[officer_garrus]

Commandos can get some decent muscle on them, but honestly speaking, I would have to say not many.

[sealegs]

Well, I could always hit on you until these magical solutions fall into my lap.

audio;

[signatures]

If that makes you feel better about owning one, yes.