poly_chromatic | 124 Howls: Loss and Hugs

[Well, maybe she doesn't hate him, which would be a relief to Jack. Bipolar is much less confusing. He's ridden the emotional roller-coasters of a few people before and even enjoyed it at times. So bipolar is much better than loathing. He can work with emotionally unstable.

He holds onto her tight in return for a few moments, then kisses what he can reach, which his her forehead.]

Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry. Just a good day to be out. You should be smiling about it really. It's a happy cry, right? Hugs should make people happy.

[Mercy attempted to pull away, trying to stop the tears from coming and failing miserably.]

Please, I can't -

You don't understand. I can't do this.

[Once she tries to pull away, he lets go. He'd rather have a willing party than an unwilling one. And he doesn't really understand her reaction, so he even goes so far as to take two steps back just to make sure that she understands that he isn't making her do anything. He doesn't even point out that she hugged him first, although he's thinking it.]

Hey, it's alright. [No it's not because he really doesn't get it.] Hugs aren't for everyone. Just thought I'd say hello, see if we could get off on a better foot than before. But making you cry wasn't on the agenda, I promise. In fact, I make it a point to try not to make people cry, unless its with happiness, or arousal, or because they're glad to see me after so long.

[Mercy shook her head, grateful for the small distance he'd given her, even though all her body wanted to do was go back into his arms. He felt like her Jack, he smelled like her Jack, he held her like her Jack.]

I'm sorry.

[If she sounded utterly wretched and miserable, well, it was because she was.]

None of this is your fault.

I...

[It wasn't fair, and Mercy was, of all things, fair. She had to tell him, no matter how pathetic and embarrassed it made her feel.]

I... look...

Before you arrived here there was another Jack Harkness. He'd been here for quite a while.

[This was incredibly, miserably hard.]

We were - I loved him. And he cared enough about me that I was the only one he slept with. I didn't care about the flirting and casual kissing, but the sex part I did - and he cared enough that he was okay with that.

[She knew that any Jack Harkness would understand how much that agreement meant - and how much she must have meant to that other Jack.]

I never dreamed he would - but he did and we... we were very happy. It was all very new and special even though we'd lived in the same house together for six months or more before anything happened between us.

Then he... disappeared from the City, which had happened before and - well, when you showed up I thought you were him and when you weren't - when you flirted with me just like I was any random stranger you'd met, I thought -

I thought I'd just fall into a million pieces.

[Well, this was awkward. And sad. And now he understood, kind of. He still couldn't because he had no context to have any of the emotional additive onto this that Mercy did. But he understood now that this was very real for her, or whatever had been between her and whatever version of him who had been here before was very real to her. And of course he looked like himself. He was himself. He couldn't help it.

But everything clicked now. He could understand. And he got it. And he wasn't sure what to say now. Jack Harkness was rarely at a loss for words, but he was now.

He stood there, eyeing her for several moments, turning everything she'd just told him over in his head. He would apologize but he wasn't sure what for. He would tell her it would be okay but he didn't know that it would be. Mercy seemed very distraught right now and Jack couldn't think of any way to fix it.

But at least for this brief moment, he was completely serious, no jokes, no snark, no rambles or random thoughts or run on sentences of thought that had nothing to do with the topic at hand.]

Well... I understand now. And I have to say I'm not sure what to do about it. I can try to stay away from you so that you don't... become upset like this. I don't like being the cause of people's upset unless I have good reason to be so. This is... new to me.

[Mercy shook her head.]

No, it's fine. I... I know you're not him. Just -

[She closed her eyes.]

This stupid curse. I can't stop hugging people and once I was in your arms...

I would have been okay otherwise.

[She made a face.]

All right, not quite okay, but I'm getting there, I swear. I knew another Jack before... before my Jack and, well... damn this City is weird - but both of them were good men and...

Just... be patient with me, okay? I don't - none of this is about you.

You're right about this place being weird. I don't much like the idea of other me's running about. Although there was that one dream I had where there were two o--...

[Back to joking and feigned light-heartedness in a situation that was probably anything but for Mercy. And he realizes this. He shouldn't be making light of the situation, no. But he doesn't exactly have the memories to make him be all emotional about it either. He's from a time where he isn't looking to get attached. In fact, he's from a time when he's running from anything remotely resembling attached.

His hands in his pants pockets, he rocks back and forth on his feet a few times, trying to get back to the seriousness that this conversation and the emotional woman in front of him demands.]

I'll be patient. I have all the time in the world Ms... you know you never even told me your name the first time we spoke.

[Mercy blushed.]

I'm sorry. My name is Mercedes Thompson. Mercy.

I live in the beach house where the other access to the mini-hub is and all sorts of other Torchwood stuff.

And, thanks. I appreciate it.

I'd like to see if perhaps we could become friends, but... when I see you, I think - well... it's hard to keep remembering you're not my Jack.

[It felt odd to hear someone say the words 'my Jack' as if someone owned him. Torchwood had pretty much owned him for awhile back in the day when it had been corrupt, and since then Jack had never let anyone claim him like that. He had somewhat regretted that he hadn't with Ianto but then again he had only regretted it after it had been too late.

Nevertheless, it was strange and Jack looks at Mercy with a curious silence for a few moments before speaking again. He gives her a fantastic smile and and bows at the waist in a most dramatic fashion.]

Well, Mercy. I can't say it hasn't been interesting meeting you, both the first time and now. And let me add that you give excellent hugs. And despite our rough beginning and the emotions that went with them, I'm pretty sure you would have to be spectacular for any version of me to befriend you in any way.

[He winks.] But how about we let you dictate the friendship, as it were, any way you want it. The speed at which it progresses, I mean. Then you can see me or not depending on the kind of day you're having. That way I'm not at fault for any discomfort you may feel. Does that sound like a good plan?

[Mercy couldn't help but laugh a little at the bow, even as her eyes welled up from the way his words touched her. She spoke lightly, as jokingly as she could manage through the emotions.]

As if you wouldn't befriend anyone who smiled at you. But thank you.

That sounds like a very good plan. But please know that I wouldn't in any way hold you at fault for anything. That's all on me.

[Well at least he got somewhat of a smile out of her. You had to smile to laugh, even a little bit. It's something better than the roller coaster of emotions she'd been giving him so Jack feels accomplished. He's counting it as a win, really.

But even though she says she doesn't blame him, he isn't sure he completely buys it yet with the way she's been with him. But he figures that even if she does blame him for things beyond his control, eventually that will work itself out just the way he hopes that eventually they'll work out a friendship between the two of them. Or he hopes so, at least.

Her laugh gets a little more of a genuine grin out of him, rather than his all for show grin.]

I'm glad you agree, Mercedes Thompson. There's one thing I'm curious about though. How did you end up living where there's an entrance into the hub?

[It isn't his fault, but every time she sees him it reminds her of her loss, and that will take a while to get over.

She smiled a little ruefully at his question.]

When I arrived here, there was yet another Jack Harkness here. One of my closest friends from back home was here as well and he was in a committed threesome with that Jack. Jack had built, or had someone build maybe, the huge beach house where I live now with rooms - suites really - for himself, Owen, Gwen and her baby, Tosh, Ianto, my friend, and a couple of others. And under it were offices for Owen, a ton of Torchwood stuff, a few cells, and who knows what else.

When I arrived they gave me a place there and I've been there ever since. I never explored much and when they all left eventually, I just closed everything up and left it. I know the other Jack, my Jack, went through a bunch of it and I'm sure the most recent Tosh and Ianto did as well.

[He nods as he listens, still not enjoying the thought of other versions of himself wandering about. But then he guesses that's the nature of this place.]

Wow, seems I've gotten around without me even knowing it; commitment here, commitment there. Good for me. Gwen took me to the hub through another entrance. So technically I've been under your house without either of us knowing... which is less creepy than it sounds.

It's a little creepy, actually. But I'll just make sure the door up here stays bolted.

[Her tone's fairly light, teasing a bit, but still, she probably will. It does kind of creep her out to think that anyone could come in through the other entrance and get into her house.]

I promise we would never come in uninvited, Gwen or I. At least I think I can speak for her too. We're very civilized people which we aren't fighting aliens or facing imminent death.

[And he really can't imagine any version of himself entering unwanted into a home without just cause. Although with the way he'd apparently gotten into relationship after relationship, it might be possible.]

But whatever makes you feel more comfortable in your own home, Mercy. I would never begrudge anyone their security measures. Safety first, after all.

I didn't think you would and Gwen's not very comfortable with me, so I don't imagine she would. Still, it's kind of worrisome knowing that there's another way for someone to get into my house - what if someone else were to get in there?

[She's personally not all that worried. She could always shift and flee through one of the dog doors the first Jack put into all the doors for her. Which... made her wonder what this Jack would think if he saw all of them. And... made her think she should be polite and at least extend an invitation.]

You're welcome to come see the place if you want. There's probably still clothes there that were yours and paperwork stuff in the office. Other than Gwen, when other Torchwood people came they stayed together here, so you might find things you want.

124 Howls: Loss and Hugs

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