[video/action]

[candothat]

Enterprise? Do you read?

[A curly-headed boy, almost certainly not out of his teens, frowns at the screen. His words are rendered somewhat incomprehensible by a thick Eastern European accent in spite of his obvious attempts to annunciate.]

Ensign Chekov to bridge. Uhura? Sulu? …Mr. Spock? Chekov to engineering. Mr. Scott, can you hear me? There may have been a... ah, a malfunction with the teleporter.

Can anyone hear me?

[He sighs and fiddles with something on his device. The video feed distorts momentarily before returning to normal. When the teenager speaks again, his tone is low and words less painstakingly produced as if he’s speaking himself.]

Ai, what is this? There shouldn’t be interference this far out from the magnetic anomaly. Eto piz`dets…

Comments

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

I think my feelings just got hurt.

[He scowls, peers closer, then rolls his eyes.]

Fine. We'll play it your way. I'm Peter Vincent. Nice to "meet" [yes, he literally airquotes] you, Checkers.

[video]

[candothat]

I am sorry?

[Checkers is acceptable. He has been called this before.]

I think, Mr. Vincent, that you have mistaken me for someone else.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

[Thinking about it...it's not inconceivable. After all, he's got a face clone himself.]

...Are you trying to tell me that's a real Russian accent?

[video]

[candothat]

I am a real Russian.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

.......................well fuck me sideways.

[video]

[candothat]

[This isn't a phrase he is familiar with.]

I think that would be against regulations, sir.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

Do you always obey regulations?

[video]

[candothat]

Yes, sir.

[Except when specifically told not to by a superior officer, sir!]

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

...sounds boring.

[video]

[candothat]

When in space and threatened with imminent death, it is necessary and not at all boring.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

Reality check - you're not in space and, at least right now, in very little danger of dying.

[video]

[candothat]

I have noticed, yes.

[He isn't quite sure what to do about that yet. Also, there's a guy with weird teeth who might kill him, so not ruling out the possibility of death.]

Even when stranded, Starfleet officers are to conduct themselves as they would in the presence of superiors.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

Like I said, boring.

[video]

[candothat]

It is what I do.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

Ever thought about doing something different?

[video]

[candothat]

No, sir. This is what I have wanted to do for fifteen years.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

15 years? You need to find yourself a new hobby.

[video]

[candothat]

I have hobbies. [They're just all related to starships, studying starships...] Do you have suggestions?

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

Oh, I don't know. How about a girl?

[video]

[candothat]

I have met several, but girls are not hobbies.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

Girls are my favorite hobby.

[video]

[candothat]

That does not make sense.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

Clearly you don't have any hormones. You should see a doctor about that.

[video]

[candothat]

I am normal and you are joking with me.

What do you mean when you say that girls are a hobby? A hobby can be done. A girl is a person, and people cannot be done.

[video]

[minigolfandsushi]

[SPORFLE. So young! So innocent!]

Come here and I'll show you how people are done.