poly_chromatic | commander's log 004

Entry tags:

star trek: voyager - chakotay

commander's log 004 | accidental video;

[ to the average curse-goer, the hogwarts curse was by no means traumatic, but that's not the case for the crew of the starship voyager. for those who once had neural interfaces implanted at the base of their skulls that directly connected their neocortexes to the ship's computer, making them believe they were actually part of the holodeck scenarios they were forced to play out, it is. it's an unwelcome reminder of that time, of a point in their journey when their sense of control, along with their sense of self, was lost to a group of hirogen who treated them like foxes to the hunt. they were toys to be played with, broken, repaired, and sent back out to be broken again.

which is why when the video feed clicks on, the city's treated to an almost avengers-style scene: all four officers, clad in uniform from the ranks pinned to their collars to the polished boots on their feet, sitting around a table in their apartment, eating pizza in utter silence. they're a sea of red and gold; harry's arm's still in a cast and captain janeway's feet are shamelessly propped up on the only unoccupied chair. there's a pile of phasers at the center of the table, the group quietly distrustful of their restored reality as if they're calmly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

it's chakotay who breaks the silence. ]

It could be worse. At least no one was expecting a Nazi's child this time.

[ the table lurches as b'elanna kicks him hard in the shins for that crack, the commander grunting in pain as the video disconnects. ]

[ ooc: responses might come from any of them! ]

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[ it isn't like voyager's crew hails from a world that's any better. theirs simply has to deal with different types of prejudice, judgments laid on a non-threatening crew that only wants to get home, judgments from the alpha quadrant about the maquis half of that crew, and others. ]

Ginny... [ he pauses as well and gives a gentle sigh as he tries to figure out how to word this without violating the temporal prime directive too much. ] B'Elanna comes from a warrior species known for their tempers and honor. They're a good people, but many still fear the treaty between our people and theirs is only temporary, that someday they'll go back to being our enemy. To top that all off -- and I'm probably not supposed to tell you this [ so please don't go talking about this to anyone else or his head'll be on the line from kathryn's ire. ] -- I'm not even technically a Starfleet officer anymore. I'm part of a group fighting against a massive Empire on the edge of Federation space. Starfleet considers us just as much a threat as that Empire. [ aka he's considered a bit of a terrorist as far as starfleet is concerned and though he doesn't mention b'elanna in reference to the maquis, it's a safe bet she's involved as well. ]

My point is we all understand that there's more to an experience than just one side. Give B'Elanna time. She'll come around.

[She listens. That's the difference between her now and when she first arrived in the City years ago, a headstrong child not yet humbled by time and the end of the war. So she listens to what he says, despite how she feels, and as he speaks she realises that she's not the only one keeping secrets.

She knows they have their whole Prime Directive that keeps him from telling her everything but this feels like it goes deeper than that. Part of a group fighting against a massive Empire...

Merlin's beard, but doesn't that sound familiar?]

Fine. [Soft, with less friction. Then, almost nonchalantly,] You could have told me you were part of a rebellion sooner. We might've found more things in common.

[ he isn't expecting ginny and b'elanna to get along perfectly. b'elanna's klingon temper tends to get the better of her and unless the people around her understand that, there's not much hope of getting along at all. all he asks is that ginny understand what he's saying in reference to b'elanna and that seems to be what's happening now.

as for the rebellion comment, he raises his eyebrows slightly. ]

Maybe I should've known. You do seem the rebellious type. [ teasing, even if she is as headstrong as b'elanna at times. ]

[She doesn't know that Bones and Chakotay have touched on the darker details of her world, however brief. So she doesn't exactly elaborate, just shrugging and shoving her hands into the pockets of her coat as she glances off.]

Only when it's for a good cause. Which I imagine yours was, too, because no one risks that much for nothing.

[She pauses.]

Anyway, don't worry. I'll play nice.

Most of us are fighting to protect something. In my case, for my home planet, to take my father's place in the fight for our colony. [ remember that conversation, ginny? ]

I'm not worried about you playing nice. This wouldn't be the first time I've ever had to pull her back. [ professional b'elanna wrangler, this one. ] Mostly, I thought you should know why the four of us will take a little longer than most to get over having our memories tampered with.

For what it's worth, I enjoyed the small taste of your world.

[The recognition that flashes across her face does suggest she remembers very well. They spoke of his father, mostly, of closure, and suddenly it all comes together the way it didn't a few months ago. Ginny smiles a little, apologetic and warm.]

That means a lot.

[And it does. Ginny's quiet for a few moments as she processes what he's said, debates on how much she could trust herself to say, and she circles back to her first year and the diary again. She gets as far as taking the breath to admit to it, to at least offer some sort of understanding so it doesn't feel like she's being unreasonable, but she can't bring herself to actually say it. She isn't sure she'll ever openly talk about it. Instead, what comes out of her mouth is second best: ]

It isn't easy, having something reach in and play. It's wrong and the City does it all the time and I'm sorry it's happened to you before because no one deserves that. Believe me when I say I get it.

[ somehow he realizes that she really does understand and it saddens him to know that. he would hope someone like ginny would never have to face some of the horrors he and his crew have. ]

No, it isn’t, and the last time this happened the entire crew of Voyager almost died. [ 150 people, ginny. ] We were toys to them, prey to be understood before we were killed. Some of the crew didn’t make it through, and we’re half-convinced that this time won’t be different, that we’ll turn around and realize they’re back and we’ve lost more people, good people.

[ the whole affair had been so traumatizing for all of them. things the voyager crew doesn’t talk about: the hirogens. his expression clouds for a moment as he remembers the first time they’d run into the hirogens and the time they’d gotten those letters from home. good people had a way of dying, it seemed, and he hoped, prayed to the spirits of his tribe if they would listen, that they wouldn’t return to voyager to find a skeleton crew. or worse, a deserted or destroyed ship.

but, in true chakotay fashion, he’s choosing not to focus on that for now. his expression relaxes as he picks out the positive result instead. ]

There is one good thing that came out of all that: we grew closer as a crew and I have a feeling the same will happen here. We’ll grow closer to our friends here, those outside the four of us. [ and that includes ginny. he hopes she won’t take it too personally and allow them the time they need to get over what happened and really enjoy her world for what it is. ]

[Perhaps not to the same extent, but Ginny has seen and done things at an age where the only worries in life should be boyfriends and homework. But that's, perhaps, a conversation for another time. What he talks about brings back the memories of her first year and she finds it hard to keep looking at him as he talks, though she never stops listening.

Then she shakes her head.]

Nothing's touching anyone. [She can't make that promise, she knows, but she means it all the same. She's come to care for the friends she's made in the City, some as close as family. She's been here almost as long as she's been at Hogwarts and though most of her friends have since gone home, there are connections that aren't so easily severed. And she is Gryffindor to the core.] And you will get closer to people here. Even if you think it's best to go home and leave, you can't help but make friends. It's the only way to get through this sometimes.

I already have.

[ whatever happens after this, he knows he's made at least one outside friend. he's gotten to know ginny so much in the few short months since he'd arrived and she's become a staple of his life here in the city. he would be very sad to see her go, even if she belongs back in her world. ]

Are you all right? [ regarding what happened or whatever may or may not be bothering her about this whole thing. ]

[She smiles fleetingly at his first answer, warm and genuine. The friendships are always made with the knowledge that one of them will leave, but that's what makes her latch on fast and firm. And though she doesn't trust easily, she knows when it's right.

But this isn't about her.]

I'm perfectly fine, Chakotay. Is that all you wanted to tell me?

I think that's all I should say for now. I just wanted you to know where we're all coming from. [ small pause. ] And now you understand what I was dealing with in your world, too. That ended up being too accurate for comfort.

It was very close to the real thing, actually.

[She doesn't know that he and McCoy have spoken about her, the struggles in her world.]

[ they only brushed on the subject, really. chakotay knows there was a war, but that's all he wanted to hear. the rest he'll let ginny tell him. ]

How close was it?

[ his tone makes it clear that while he's curious, he won't pressure her for information. she isn't bound by the temporal prime directive, like he is. she's only bound by what she feels comfortable enough to say. ]

[It isn't a secret anymore. The harder things are, the torture and the deaths to an extent, only because she doesn't want people to look at her with pity or tell her that children shouldn't be fighting in a war. She knows all that. Ginny simply shrugs, brushing her hair behind her ear, twisting the lock around her finger.]

Corruption in the Ministry, rebellion. It was all a little too perfect, but the idea was there. We had a resistance at the school when things— [She shakes her head.] There was a war. I'm sure you've pieced that together by now. A wizard wanted all power to go to him, to purebloods, and anyone who didn't agree with him was an enemy.

[Her hand is on her wand as she talks, the wood warm against her palm, magic sparking under her skin.]

They took over the school. What better way to keep our families in line than to have access to their kids? So we fought back. Then the fighting was everywhere. [She smiles at him, brief and quiet.] So talking about it like that, that's how it was for a few years.

That sounds like the [ cardassians ] people I fought against. Starfleet didn't like what we were trying to accomplish and how we were doing it, but a lot of us were fighting because we had to, for protection. [ he is doing his level-headed best to sound as calm and even about this issue as possible, but not even spending the last five years more or less as starfleet won't erase his time as a maquis and every one of the former maquis crew knows starfleet won't forget that, either. this is an issue that won't be easily resolved, even if the alpha quadrant maquis are all dead. ]

It's never easy, being involved in something like that. War changes everyone. [ he won't pity her for what she's been through, only empathize. because they all know what it's like and no matter what anyone wants, children are always dragged into it. pitying her, telling her she shouldn't be involved won't help anything. naomi wildman is growing up with the only home she's ever known being voyager. what should someone say to her? "i'm sorry you don't know earth"? to her that would be an insult and he can imagine saying something like that to ginny would be an insult to the person she's become because of what happened to her. ]

For what it's worth, I hope you and your world can find peace soon. [ because he isn't so sure his will and if it does, chances are he won't be there to see it. he doesn't even know who's still alive, if his colony and his people are safe. none of them know anything. just that all the good people on their side, fighting their fight, were wiped out. and they're stuck in the delta quadrant without knowing if they'll ever reach home. ]

Yours too.

[Hers has, in it's way. The war is over, at least, though the world they fought for isn't going to become a true reality for years and she knows that. Change is hard and it's not like Voldemort was alone in his beliefs and it's not like everyone was killed with him or thrown in Azkaban. But the change will happen, she believes that—and by the time they all have children and they someday go to Hogwarts, it'll be the world they want for them, the one their own parents fought for.

Ginny hears the understanding in his words, knows that they're too similar.]

Things'll come together for us. You've got to trust that, right?

[ chakotay nods with a soft sigh. ]

And that we'll be there when it does.

[ which isn't as much a comment about where they are currently as it is about where he, kathryn, harry, and b'elanna will be when they return to voyager. their starship is lost in the delta quadrant, years and years and maybe even decades away from home. their main goal is to return home, no matter what they face there, but they don't know if they'll reach home in their lifetimes or not. at this rate, naomi wildman's generation might be the generation in charge when they get back. if there's enough of a crew and if they're willing enough for that.

but those are dark thoughts and he shakes himself inwardly to rid himself of them. ]

Thank you. For meeting with me. Sometimes it's nice to have an outside ear to talk to. [ an ear outside the voyager crew, he means. ]

Of course.

[All her ears have been outside ones, more often than not. Remus is here now, but in a few weeks, he'll disappear for home and she'll be left alone again. And maybe she'll say something about it, but most likely she won't; Ginny has gotten used to confiding in others here, or in others coming to her. People may think she forms connections too quickly, too deeply, but it's become a necessity at this point because people will always leave and it won't do to have her shut herself away. So moments like this? Good. Necessary.

She's glad that it seems like Chakotay feels the same, at least.]

You ever need anything, you know you can always call me.

[ he smiles, warm and genuine despite the topic of conversation, despite the cold wrapping around them both at this time of year. it's been a long time since he's had to worry about temperatures in his place of residence. voyager has environmental controls. they would have to prepare for away missions and if those environmental controls were damaged, but it was never like this. ]

At three in the morning, every time.

[ teasing, because he never minds when she does that. ]

You know the same applies to you.

[Under the colour whipped into her cheeks from the cold air, Ginny does blush at that, shrugging a little sheepishly. She knows it's a teasing jab than it is anything else, but still, she really ought to pull herself together so 3 AM texts are less of a thing.]

I know. Thanks, Chakotay.

[ he will never mind the 3 am texts from her. she's become like family to him, the way the maquis had become family. time and circumstance had brought them together. endurance had made them close. and at least if he hears from her early in the morning, at least it means she's still alive, still here, and that's a comfort in and of itself. ]

I'll see you again, Ginny. Take care.

Yeah, you too. And my regards to your crew.

[Better than checking the Hall every week, right? She smiles briefly in return, even gives him a quick hug—and then she's stepping back, turning on the spot, Disapparating with a crack through the wintry air and her footprints the only indication she was there at all.]

[ he nods, accepting the hug with warmth and tightness, before letting her go. he's impressed with that ability, though. that one's like their own teleporters and what he wouldn't do for a functioning one right now. but alas, unlike her he has to take the long way back. so he turns, with a gentle and somewhat sad smile, to do just that. he's got a lot to think about. ]

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commander's log 004 | accidental video;

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