Video

[trenchknives]

[Jimmy hasn't been around much in the last couple of days. There's a good reason for that, a damn good one, and he's about to make it known. He looks tired, worn down, maybe even a little sick as he turns the communicator towards himself to begin recording.]

I died.

[No preamble, no explanation for the moment.]

I died, 'n I don't know what to think about it. I don't know whether I could've done anythin' to stop it. I don't know why the hell I had to come back to life.

[He rests his chin on his hand, sighing.]

All I know is I could sure use someone to talk to right about now. Or drink with. I ain't picky.

Comments

[affectioning]

But, you're alive now. Again... Has anyone told you what happens if you die here, though?

[trenchknives]

You mean the whole bein' City-dead thing? No heartbeat and all? Yeah, for whatever reason, that didn't happen to me.

[affectioning]

So, you can still go home.

[trenchknives]

Theoretically, yeah. But I don't wanna.

[affectioning]

I remember. [ Not even for your kid? ]

[trenchknives]

Guess we don't get a whole lotta choice about what happens around here, though.

[affectioning]

No. We don't. We don't choose who comes or goes or what happens to us. But, we can choose to live our lives. And deal with the stuff we can't choose when we need to.

[trenchknives]

You're a real smart kid, you know that?

[affectioning]

[ Oh, he's not. He's ... street smart. And he has common sense. He just thought he was reassuring someone with something they already know. ]

Thanks, Jimmy. [ He finally takes a sip of beer before sliding a menu over to himself. ] Are you doing okay, though?

[trenchknives]

Sure, I'm okay. Okay is relative though, right? I mean, I'm survivin'. I've dealt with worse before.

[affectioning]

You're alive. And yeah, okay is relative. So's fine.

[trenchknives]

Yeah, but honestly, dyin' wasn't so bad. 'n I don't say that just to be, y'know, stoic about it. It really wasn't.

[affectioning]

You mean it wasn't painful?

[trenchknives]

It was at first. But then I kinda let it happen, and it wasn't so bad. It was worse when I was fightin' it. It happened quick. Quicker than I imagined.

[affectioning]

So, you're - not afraid of dying.

[trenchknives]

No, I guess I'm not. But ever since bein' in the war, I never really have been. Kinda feels like...

[He shrugs, looking conflicted.]

... feels like I died back then anyway. I know that doesn't make a whole lotta sense.

[affectioning]

You mean, you've just been, like, going through the motions? But, not being alive? Numb. Or, like the you you knew died in the war and now you're unrecognizable?

[trenchknives]

Uh, both of those things, I guess. Y'know, before the war, I was just a college student. I was different, y'know? With a future 'n all.

[affectioning]

Yeah. I know. You could've gone back, though, right?

[trenchknives]

Not really. By the time I got back, my son was three, 'n I had a family to support. College ain't so great for that.

[affectioning]

But, you still got your son. And you tried being a good father. It counts for something. [ Maybe everything. ]

[trenchknives]

Yeah, but haven't you ever... y'know, sometimes you wonder whether tryin' is really good enough, right?

[affectioning]

I have.