poly_chromatic

Y'know, I start thinkin' about what's goin' on around here, 'n sometimes it reminds me of home. It's kinda funny, 'cause there aren't a lot of similarities, but I guess there's certain stuff that sticks with you. When I was in the army, I saw all kinds of shit, really awful shit, and a lot of what's goin' on here isn't quite as bad, but...

[He sighs and scrubs a hand across his face.]

You get used to it, y'know? You start expectin' horrible shit to happen. Hell, I didn't even write home, the whole damn time I was in the army, just 'cause I was convinced I was gonna die, and my letters'd be more painful if I did. We were just the walkin' dead. Nobody expected us to get outta there.

[A shrug.]

So yeah, what's goin' on around here? Pretty bad, but I've seen worse. Funny thing is, though, this whole choosin' sides and allegiances thing? That got worse, after I got back from the war. You'd've thought I'd be done with that, but back in Atlantic City, there's a different kinda war goin' on. A turf war, kinda. Like this one.

[A long pause.]

Wait. Why the fuck am I... is this recordin'? Shit...

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Oh, I guess you heard all that, too?

[He can't decide whether to be embarrassed or secretly grateful.]

Thanks. Ain't really anything to be sorry about, though.

Kind of.

Maybe not, but it's still awful. It sounds like you've spent too much of your life fighting.

[He probably wouldn't be saying any of this if he didn't feel the need to spill his guts arbitrarily, but he does.]

Yeah. That's true. Y'know, the first time I was in an actual battle, I was scared outta my mind. After that, though, it just kinda...

[A shrug.]

It stopped matterin' much.

But it does matter. I can't imagine living like that--being sure I was going to die.

Thanks for making it out alive.

[A slight smile.]

Well, I'm glad I did. Means I got to meet people like you. Y'know, bein' in the army gets pretty borin'.

So it's not like in the movies where it's non-stop fighting? That'd almost be worse, having time to think about what could happen, or what could come next.

I wish you could've lived where I'm from. It can get pretty bad, but there's not as much fighting.

No, no nonstop fightin'. In fact, there's a lotta sittin' around, usually in the cold 'n damp. It ain't glamorous.

Woulda been nice to live where you came from, I guess.

Well... at least you wouldn't be cold in Los Angeles. Damp, sure, but it doesn't get cold cold that often.

[As much as she'd like to get Jimmy talking more about his life before the City, it doesn't seem fair. Hopefully he'll be able to say what he needs to say.]

The superheroes and supervillains can be hard to deal with some times.

Superheroes 'n supervillains? Really?

Really! They don't usually spend that much time where I live--lived--but they're all over the news. They're... I mean, have you met any superheroes here? That's not what the big heroes at home are like.

Well, sure, I guess I've met some superheroes here. What're they like back home for you?

Celebrities. They have fans, paparazzi, tabloid articles written about them, everything. What they don't have is an interest in the people who really need a hero. That's up to people like you--people without superpowers or a fan following or an agent who'll do what they think is right even if no one gives them credit for it.

You think that's people like me? The ones that do what they think is right? I dunno about that, Penny. I ain't a good guy. I've done what I'm told a lot. Made a lotta mistakes that way.

But your heart's in the right place. That counts for something.

Is it? You really think that matters?

I do, yeah. I think it matters almost as much as what you actually do; it means that you care, even if you can't do anything.

I mean, I've killed people, y'know? That's the kinda thing they say you go to hell for.

Even if there is a hell--and I seriously doubt that there is--no one deserves to go there because they were doing what they were told to do.

I've killed people.

[Well. He didn't exactly mean to say that.]

[Jimmy is the only person Penny has ever met who was bound and determined to make her think that he's a terrible person. She's running out of arguments here.]

I like you anyway.

[That gets a surprised laugh.]

Well, I guess there's no accountin' for personal taste, right? I like you, too.

You say that like there aren't any good reasons to like you.

I think there're probably some reasons. I can be kinda funny, kinda smart...

I hope you believe that and you're not just saying it.

What, don't I sound convincin'?

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