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Entry tags:

supernatural - sam winchester

[video]

[Sam looks worried, and a little flustered, like someone kicked his puppy.]

Hey. Has anyone seen Jess? Jessica Moore. My girlfriend. I've been looking for her, and she... she hasn't been home...

If you've seen her, if you have any information, I don't care if you want to stay anonymous or whatever, I want to know.

[Separate private filters to Dulcie and Buffy]

I think I have something of yours.

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Yeah...

[And then a soft sigh] What did you get?

You. And Dawn. On a tower.

Oh. [She pauses because that's a pretty heavy memory.] H-how did that end? For you. I know how it ended on my end.

You... [Sam swallows.] You jumped. You gave everything for her. No one's been seeing the future here, and Dawn looks a little older now, so I'm guessing that... happened.

[She's quiet a moment before she answers.]

Yeah. It happened. Dawn's...I wouldn't give her up.

I'm sorry.

I feel like I've been in her place, or maybe I am right now, and... I'm sorry you had to do that.

[Buffy furrows her brow, taking her time to answer and trying to figure out how much to reveal. He probably already got the feelings of immense relief and of being finished that she had at the time.]

It's okay. I...it was what I needed to do, you know?

I'm trying to get that. I guess in a way, it's good that I saw, because... I don't want to be the one left behind.

Oh. You're...I mean your brother is...not got cancer?

[Which is her way of saying 'going to die for you']

Not cancer. I don't know what happens, because they won't tell me. Dean here... he's been through it already. But yeah. He gave up his life for me. Or is going to, when I'm from.

[There's a long moment where Buffy doesn't say anything.]

I'm sorry. [She takes a deep breath.] You know that's what we're supposed to do. Take care of our younger siblings. I'm pretty sure it's programmed into our blood. Just--[She stops, voice shaky for a second before going strong again.] You heard what I told Dawn. You can't change what's going to happen so...make it worth it.

[Now it's Sam's turn to be silent.]

I didn't ask for this. I get it, I do. You think I wouldn't do the same for him? But that's just it--he's all I've got left. When do we get to protect you?

No, I'm sorry, I don't... This isn't about you. I meant to call and tell you it was good for me to understand the other side, but it's not even the same thing. I was already dead. He just wanted to turn back the clock and make it so I was the one left.

I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing for Dawn.

[She takes a deep breath, not sure that she should say more, or that Sam would care or if it would help him.]

Uhm...I don't know if it's the same for your brother, but with Dawnie...I was sixteen when the whole slay girl thing happened and I never got this normal life thing and I used to be pretty bitter about it. Then Dawnie came along and it was okay that I didn't get the normal life stuff because she would. If I have to kill everyone in the entire world, Dawn will get all the normal stuff: house, picket fence, nice husband, two kids, dog, mini van...you know, normal. Me, dying in Dawn's place, was just making sure of that.

Maybe your brother wanted to do the same thing.

That's... a nice thought. [He swallows. It helps, and it doesn't. Because on the one hand, to know Dean cares that much about him... on the other, to know Dean cares that little about himself.]

Maybe. And maybe it's different for Dawn but... I'm never going to have that life. I know that.

[She understands as well as someone on this side of things can. For Buffy's part, it was a less about self-loathing and more about she was tired and she drew a line in the sand 'this is where I stop sacrificing everything' and that line was Dawn.]

There's normal and then there's our version of normal. She's always going to know about vampires and demons and apocalypses in May. I can't change that. She's probably always going to have something to do with that life but for her, it doesn't exclude the other sort of normal things.

I'm glad. For her. And... I understand why you did what you did. Not that you need that, I just... it's hard to be left behind, is all.

I know and I don't think there's anything that makes that easier.

Yeah.

[Pause.]

Anyway, I just... Wouldn't have felt right, not letting you know. That I knew.

Thanks. I'm sorry you had to see it.

I think my sorry you had to do that trumps. Thanks, Buffy.

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