║ eighty-eighth stanza ║ voice

[mumbled_truth]

It was April, four years ago, when I first arrived here. It's... it's sort of impossible to believe that -- I mean, it seems all at once as if I've always been here, and as if I only just arrived. I still remember the day, exactly what it was like - the fountain, of course, everyone who told me what was going on, the people who came to find me, and those first few days of not believing a single moment of it was real.

[The fact that Neil greeted him was certainly no help there.]

A lot of them have gone now. Not all of them - definitely not all of them, and I'm grateful for that - but a lot of them have. Some of them wanted to go, to get back to their homes, their lives that were waiting for them... I just hope that they did, that they're happy where they are.

T.S. Eliot wrote that April is the cruellest month. He might be right - it's not exactly what he had in mind, but... it hasn't been an easy one here. I hope everyone is okay now, as much as they can be. I... I do feel like I end up hoping that too often.

Still, if I could - if I were given a way to leave - I wouldn't go. The City... it's my home now. I belong here.

[Talkative tonight, Todd? It's only really in retrospect that he realizes just how much he's said - he'd almost forgotten the device was one entirely - and he turns off the feed as his own old anxieties creeps back up on him.]

Comments

[othersdie]

You remember coming to the City that well after four years?

[And, because it needs to be true:] You and Neil won't leave.

[mumbled_truth]

Well, not every moment of it, or every word everyone said, but... it was kind of notable.

[That... makes him smile.] I hope not.

[monochrome_mirror]

You are the first I have seen, who does not wish to go home. That is not a statement against you; it is simply fact.

My work is waiting for me, but I have been told I will return to the moment from whence I came, and I cannot return of my own will anyway...so I will do what I can, with what I have here.

[mumbled_truth]

There are others - not that many of us, but if it's a question of what each person wants for themselves, I think theirs is the opinion that matters, really. Not that it seems to make much difference to the City.

Regardless of what any of us want, I think you have the right idea. Dwelling on whether we will or won't leave doesn't make any difference. The best we can do, and it's really the best we can ever do, is to always make the most of what we're given.

[monochrome_mirror]

Yes. It is the same reason why I do not believe in fate. We can make choices about how we treat ourselves and others in the situations we are in...we are not destined to act any way.

I see so many blame their sins on fate...you will avoid such traps with this mentality.

[othersdie]

Still, I hardly remember.

It wasn't a hope. It was a command.

[mumbled_truth]

It might be different-- I mean, I haven't left and come back, or... anything, really.

A command? Well, I'll do everything I can to follow it.

[othersdie]

It doesn't matter.

Thank you, Todd.

[mumbled_truth]

Instead of taking responsibility for what they do? Yeah, that's... it's easier, I guess, if you can believe that you didn't have a choice in doing something you're not proud of.