poly_chromatic

[ He almost doesn't wanted to see her. ]

[ The weekend has passed, and left Hei scooped-out and numbed. Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees them all -- the kills from the past forty-eight hours. They show themselves to him in an endless loop -- their empty faces, their gushing wounds and spilled insides, their screams and pleadings. But none of it registers on a personal level. It's like watching an old film reel -- grainy and sepia-toned and removed from his reality. ]

[ Quietly, Hei slinks through the streets in the early evening darkness, passing like a shadow up into Yin's building, nearly soundless, as if he's here to make a final assassination. The City feels surreal after the atmosphere of the weekend, the atmosphere of his own head. For two days, he'd been trapped in his mind, wrestling with himself. But somehow it feels longer; he's unmoored from time. ]

[ At Yin's doorway, Hei stops stiffly. This is idiotic. What's the point? What can he say to her? Hey. Sorry I killed you. I killed a bunch of other people too. I'm awful, not because I feel guilty, but because I'm guilty for not feeling guilty. If she were anything other than a Doll, she'd spit in his face. His whole reason for visiting her is just thoroughly selfish, anyway. Just to assuage his own mind, rather than hers. ]

[ I should go. Except he's already rung the doorbell. ]

Edited 2013-04-09 02:31 (UTC)

[She hadn't thought much about it, but if asked, Yin would have said, yes, she wanted to see Hei. But she went about things as normal once she revived. It was so cold, though.]

[Void of a heartbeat, Yin wrapped herself up in her jacket, trying to preserve electricity by not resorting to the heater. It was in this condition she answered the door, eyes a little more void of life than before. Until they widened their usual fraction of surprise.]

Hei? [Her tone is questioning, hesitant.]

[If she were anything other than a Doll.... But she was more than just a Doll. Hei himself knew that.]

[The second thing Yin did was reach to put her arms around him and hug Hei.]

Edited 2013-04-09 02:45 (UTC)

[ Just before the door opens, Hei hesitates. Go. Just go. One quick turn and he'd be out of sight. There's no reason to get into this. But he doesn't move. When the door opens, it's to Yin's form outlined in light, almost preternaturally still. Despite the dead stillness from which Dolls get their nickname, she's never seemed dead or still to him. But now... ]

[ It's still Yin. A little more faded. A little more bleak. But still her. ]

[ When she reaches to hug him, it's a palpable shock. Not the spontaneity of it -- but the fact that she'd want to touch him at all. He nearly jerks back, as if they're caught in a duel. But the moment her arms pass around him, Hei represses a twinge. It's not discomfort but relief. (The relief that seeing her makes him capable of feeling anything at all.) He catches her tight against him in the doorway, swooping her up so her feet skim the floor; it's almost like dancing. ]

[ Face in her hair, Hei squeezes her hard. He wants to say something. I'm sorry. Or It's all right. But his throat burns around stoppered words. It's a long moment before he murmurs, without letting go, ] We can talk inside. [ Even if he's not sure about what. ]

[This time, she doesn't breathe against him, and her pulse can't be felt through any of their connections, no matter how tightly he holds her, or she holds him. And she does.]

[When Hei returns her embrace, she tightens her hold on him, as much as she can with such small, weak arms. Yin doesn't even question it, logically knowing the curse weekend is long over. This is definitely Hei.]

[All his words get is an absent nod as Yin steps back towards the door to reenter the apartment, their physical connection broken. Her eyes, though, gravitate right back to Hei, to make certain he follows her.]

[ He glances behind him on instinct, his gaze sweeping the hallway -- empty, near-lightless -- before he steps in after her, shutting the door behind him. (He'd felt, in hugging her, the absence of temperature or warmth. He wonders if she feels similar to how he did over the weekend. He'd been steeped in power, but with an unease rising from the silence at his own core. That absence of pulse inside him was so disquieting, yet he'd felt, somehow, so light. Free.) ]

[ Inside the apartment, Hei doesn't sit, but ends up leaning against the wall, arms crossed. It doesn't show, but he's buzzing with a strange sense of... something. Anxiety? His gaze drops, not to Yin's face but to the floor. ]

I wasn't sure you'd want to see me. I thought you might be ... [ A pause, an exhale. ] Afraid. I was cursed [ She knows that, idiot. Otherwise she wouldn't let you in here. ] But that doesn't mean I'm not sorry for what happened. [ As sorry as he's capable of being, anyway. ]

[There's no unease, not for her, but nor is there any freedom from life. There is simply an absence that changes very little, to her. Except she's cold. On the other hand, without the need to breathe, eat or sleep, as a Doll she is more efficient, and less upkeep, less money. There are benefits.]

[Hei stays by the wall, so Yin stands by him, quiet. There's a shake when he expresses his concerns - she's not afraid, and:] I wanted to see you. To make sure you were yourself.

[What would Hei think - do - to know, cursed or not, she still would have let him in?]

[When he gives the closest thing to an apology he is likely capable of giving, Yin goes quiet again, still, face slowly lifting, eyes wider.]

[ Less upkeep. Less wasted money. A blessing in disguise. Practicalities come first, feelings second -- they're from a world where this is an established fact. Only a year ago, Hei would've slipped into this mindset without a hitch. But now... ]

[ He watches her eyes widen at the not-apology. Wonders, if saying a banality like I'm sorry will make the sentiment itself real, and true, and felt. (He already knows it won't. But if anyone deserves at least some measure of expressed contrition, it's Yin.) For the next beat, all he does is quietly assess, his eyes skating over Yin's face. The past is the past; he killed her and she's City Dead. What matters now is trying to understand the changes it brings, and the difficulties they might cause. ]

[ There's a long silence before he asks, quietly: ] How are you feeling?

[ Even if Yin says I'm fine, he'll know if she means it. ]

[Mao paws out of the kitchen cautiously. Unlike Yin, he could not so easily write off Hei's behavior. Yes, Hei had been cursed at the time, but who knew what darkness the events of the weekend had awoken in BK-201? What twisted whims and dark lusts?

The curse may end at midnight, but its consequences linger.]

She's a Doll. Dolls don't feel. [Ergo Yin does not feel. And yet they all know that that is not true...]

[So far as she could tell, the only difficulty was displayed by the jacket she was wearing inside, in perfectly normal spring. Otherwise, everything else seemed a virtue. She could stay up all night observing without consequence.]

[Before she could answer Hei's question, though, Mao spoke, causing her lips to close before they had gone beyond a slight part. She walked over, intention being to pick Mao up, instead of an answer.]

[Besides, she could more efficiently do her job - she was well enough, and that was all that mattered. That's all she knew how to felt about something like this - a matter surrounding herself.]

[ Hei watches Mao pad in from the corner of his eye. He acknowledges the cat with a clear-eyed glance, but otherwise keeps his focus on Yin. The events of the weekend are perfectly vivid for him. All he'd done was pester Mao and put him to sleep. But he'd slit Yin's throat and tossed her away like a discarded toy. As to what whims and lusts the curse has exploited in his nature -- he's tempted to say None. ]

[ Except that isn't true. ]

[ That Iceman awoken by the curse -- it wasn't a figment of the City. His powers were. But his cruelty and coldness ... all of that was latent in Hei's own psyche. That bloodthirsty facet of himself had hijacked his body. Taken firm control. And in his guidance, that terrible heaviness that Hei always carried ... had vanished. He'd felt so light. ]

[ He doesn't want to examine too closely, what that says about him. Not now. ]

[ Instead there's a sharp glance at Mao for cutting Yin off. But even if she doesn't answer -- the coat she's wearing offers enough of an explanation. Dolls don't feel anger or regret. Dolls don't feel. Except Hei knows that's the biggest lie of their world -- neck and neck with the one about Contractors. ]

I'm sure she feels cold, at any rate. [ He'll get her thermal outfits, if that proves to be a problem. To Yin: ] Has anyone learnt you're City Dead? At your workplace or otherwise?

[Thermal only works if there's body heat to trap. Yin no longer has the benefit of that. Mao settles into her cold arms and remains silent. He has nothing to offer in this conversation between Hei and Yin. But he keeps a wary eye on Hei, since Yin is incapable of recognizing when the young man is a threat.]

[She feels. But what it is Yin's emotions are experiencing she can't begin to voice. Fine is the word she would revert to simply because her situation doesn't hinder her from performing her duties. But what happened with Hei, the idea he could kill her and toss her away, seems to have settled like lead in the bottom of what was once her feelings. Now it's just a black oblivion, and that situation lingers in it.]

[Yin gives Hei's question a shake while lightly trying to pet Mao while carrying him. The combination - with a large cat - doesn't work so well.]

I was unable to go into work. [It has only been a couple of hours since she revived, after all.]

[ He could get her outfits powered by lightweight 7v lithium batteries. Thermal, with adjustable heat, like hikers use in winter. He's designed tac-suits with similar functions. He ignores Mao's gimlet-eyes. It's a cat's face, but he almost reads some emotion in there. Accusation. Suspicion maybe. (Neither are unfounded.) ]

[ At Yin's words, he nods, ] If anyone asks about the changes [ re: her status as City Dead ] limit your responses to saying it was an accident. Some creature prowling by the Underground. If necessary, blame the vampires. [ Yin is no Chatty Cathy, but he's aware of how stupidly nosy the Citizens are. She may not grasp the enormity of her change -- short-term and long-term. But others will, and they'll bombard her with 'well-meaning' questions. Best to keep a cover-story at hand. Nip any curiosity in the bud. ]

[ He closes his eyes briefly. Inhales and exhales. (Tells himself that the pressure in his temples isn't from something that feels as smothering as remorse but hunger instead. Even so, it's impossible to ignore the fact that he hurt her. Not just with a cruel blade, or a cruel edge of indifference.) Reaching out, he touches her chin then, the fine-pored skin smooth as water. (Just as cold.) His voice is quiet but by no means small in the space between them. ]

You didn't answer my question. [ How do you feel? Mao may consider it unnecessary -- Dolls are tools, not people -- but Hei has long stopped buying into that belief. ]

[Mao's hackles rise a little as Hei reaches out -- instinct more than anything else. But he makes no move and says nothing.]

[Whatever Hei gave her and told her to wear, Yin would wear it. On his suggestion on how to respond to the inquiries she was bound to face, Yin gives a nod.]

They've been asking into my absence from work. I said it was the aftermath of a curse. Would that be a problem? [He's right. Yin's barely aware of her own emotions, let alone how being City!dead might be a problem, rather than just a simple status change. And she isn't one to lie, either, even if she barely answers and doesn't delve into details. Telling her to lie was the only way to make sure they wouldn't learn too much.]

[There's something else she doesn't grasp.]

[She's not very strong, but Yin does have an instinctive reaction herself, her hold tightening just a fraction around Mao. So light he might not notice. Nothing else moves, she doesn't even flinch. The only telltale sign the movement holds any memories of her death is in that brief tighter hold on Mao, which slackens fairly quickly.]

I'm fine. [It's an automatic response, rather than a lie, given because she doesn't know how to be anything else. She sees nothing in her situation that will impede her work.]

[ Hei wouldn't be BK201 if he couldn't catch tiny tells around him, especially on his own teammates. It happens in turns -- the way Mao's hackles rise, Yin's pale fingers tightening a degree around the cat. He's too familiar with those reactions on victims to mistake the emotion being radiated. Wariness (Fear). Except, coming from Yin, the tic carries the force of a scream. Hei half-flinches as if it is a scream. It's not unfounded, he knows that. An experience like the weekend isn't something you instantly bounce back from. He can't blame either of them for acting this way. ]

[ But he can blame himself for being stupid. It would've wiser to contact them via the Network device. (Except he wanted to see Yin in person. To confirm what's already been confirmed.) ]

No. [ Toneless. ] You did the right thing.

[ His gaze drops to where he's touching her chin. Almost like a jolt from a live spark, his hand abruptly drops down to his side. (She tells him I'm Fine, and in the practical sense, she is. She's just not Fine where he's concerned.) He's silent for a long moment, the kind that's usually so easy between them, but now feels strained. Finally, he stares at her, all the animation drained out of his eyes. ]

All right. [ Deep inside, a cold voice, the stifled Reaper's, is laughing at him. He wishes he could resort to child-Pai's tantrum of choice: Go away Go away GO AWAY! But it's too late for that. (This must've been what Nietzsche meant about monsters and abysses.) When he speaks next, it's Contractor-calm. ] Tell me if anyone at work pries more than they should. I'll send you a package later this week. [ Temperature-controlled clothing and blankets. 12v socks. He's killed her, but he can make sure she doesn't freeze. ]

[ With that, and without a backward glance, he turns and exits her flat. He can't change the reality of what's been done. But he can give her space while she's leery of him. Wait until, hopefully, she's stopped. ]

[Mao remains in Yin's arms, even after Hei is gone. He looks up at her, examining her face for any trace of emotion.

Nothing should be there. Why is he looking for a sign?]

[As Hei leaves, her voice is delicate and soft, like everything about her.] Don't- [but he's already gone. She would raise a hand to reach out, but her hands stay around Mao.]

[It might be difficult for just anyone to notice, but someone living with her, that knows her, sees her everyday, thinks Dolls shouldn't display any emotion, will likely notice the slight droop her of shoulders, the more prominent appearance of something closer to a frown, and a look of slight disappointment. To anyone else, she might still look like calm and composed Yin who lacks emotions.]

[The disappointment is like a neon sign to him, and it worries him.

Not because he doesn't want to see Yin suffer. Not because she's attached to a man who killed her. No, he's worried because she shouldn't be showing any emotion at all. She shouldn't have any emotions at all. That is the only reason.

When he butts his head against her arm, purring slightly, it's his feline host body acting up, and not at all a weak attempt at comfort. He's a Contractor. They don't do such things.]

[And Dolls don't pet cats back for comfort. Dolls don't need comfort. Dolls don't seem to ease from a strain. Dolls have no strains to recover from.]

Video;

Action? O:

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threadjack?

Hei -> Mao -> Yin, threadjack is a go!

Hei -> Mao -> Yin, threadjack is a go!

Hei -> Mao -> Yin, threadjack is a go!

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action; end?