(no subject)

[metaman]

[action]
[Abed sits alone in the Dreamatorium. He doesn't have any programs running; somehow, he just doesn't have the heart.

Teddy is gone. It's been 15 days since Penny left.]

Why bother counting?

[He looks up at his Evil Twin, who no one else could see and who isn't really there.]

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? I thought you had learned your lesson the last time.

[Abed looks away and wraps his arms around his knees.]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Against the wall, he has nowhere to run as Evil Abed invades his personal space.]

Friends. Remember Troy. Remember the study group. Remember how you realized friends are stifling and they never stay, and how you decided you would go your own way. And look at you now! The first thing you do when you get here is make more friends, and now you're sulking because they're gone. Because

that's

what

friends

DO.

[Abed sits silently. After a long moment, he nods.]

You're right.

[Evil Abed vanishes as Abed stands and goes to find some black felt and scissors.]


[action / video]
[It may look like Abed is sitting in a cafe, wearing a mustache cut out of felt, but appearances can be deceiving. This isn't Abed; this is Evil Abed, come forth from the Darkest Timeline to wreck havoc.

A waitress hands him a cup of tea, which he takes and then SLAMS on the ground, scattering shards and steaming liquid everywhere. Is it a curse that compels him to do this? No, he's just a dick.

He looks over the waitress.]

You could lose a quarter in that ass.


[She stalks off and he calls after her]

In case you're too dumb to get it, I just called you fat.

Comments

[infernoandhearth]

But why would you?

[metaman]

Better question -- why wouldn't I?

[infernoandhearth]

Mainly I can't think of a reason you might be in the situation to lose a quarter in someone's arse in the first place. Or rather: I can, and it seems pointless.

[metaman]

...you missed the part where I was calling her fat, didn't you?

[infernoandhearth]

No, I was very much present for the bit when your insult was so obscure you felt the need to explain it.

[metaman]

Not obscure. Just over her head. If she goes out of the house looking like that, she can't be too bright.

[infernoandhearth]

That one was much more to the point, and you wasted it on me.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

[She comes back to this? What.]

Abed! What're you doing? That's totally not called for.

audio; 1/3

[metaman]

[PENNY.

If you could see him, for just a moment, you'd see the real Abed, who is very happy (in his own subdued way) to have Penny back.]

audio;

[metaman]

[But he shouldn't be happy. Friends are stifling. Remember your decision.]

audio;

[metaman]

What? It's not my fault she dialed 1-800-Ugly.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

Just--stop. Leave her alone, okay?

Is this a curse?

audio;

[metaman]

Her face is the curse.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

Abed!

Look, I'll just... leave you alone until you decide to act like a decent person again.

1/2

[metaman]

audio;

[metaman]

You think that's a threat? You're not talking to Lame Abed, lady. I don't care.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

[Penny would like to know why she came back to backwards crazy land and not the regular City.]

I'm not threatening you, Abe--um, whoever you are right now. Just giving you some space, and if you see Abed around, it'd be great if you could tell him I want to talk to him, okay?

audio;

[metaman]

I'd say sure, but he's gone and not coming back.

audio;

[anunluckypenny]

Just in case he does, okay?

audio;

[metaman]

Fine. [Whatever, lady.

And somewhere, deep inside, Abed feels like Penny is writing him off. This sadness makes Evil Abed stronger.]

[yourbestguysgun]

That ain't how you speak to a lady, buddy.

[metaman]

Buddy, that ain't no lady.

[yourbestguysgun]

A dame's a dame, you still gotta treat 'em with respect.

[metaman]

Why?

[yourbestguysgun]

Because if y'don't, someone'll hand your ass t'you.

video;

[metaman]

[Evil Abed turns his butt to the camera and grabs it.]

Ass in hand. Still not seeing the problem.

video;

[yourbestguysgun]

You really don't know when to give, do you?

video;

[metaman]

I don't give. I take.

[He emphasizes this by grabbing someone else's drink and smashing it to the ground.]

video;

[yourbestguysgun]

[ Trying to work out from the background which place he's in. ]

You do well bein' a jerk?

video;

[metaman]

[The camera helpfully tilts up a little to show the sign for the cafe]

You do well being a judgemental goody-two-shoes?

video;

[yourbestguysgun]

[ Good enough.

He's on the move. ] I just don't like bullies.

video;

[metaman]

And I don't like your attitude. We've all got shit to deal with.

action;

[yourbestguysgun]

[ He just smiles and ends the feed, the door to the cafe tingling as the bell gets hit, Bucky entering it easily.

His gaze sweeps over the people there, trying to find him. ]

action;

[metaman]

[COOL. A CHASE SCENE.

I mean -- OH SHIT.


Evil Abed jumps to his feet.]

YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!


[And then he runs through the kitchen, out the back door.]