video / text

[othersdie]

[There is a bird standing on top of this camera--no, pecking this camera. If it wasn't talking, it would be an unremarkable little brown bird.]

I just want a chance. I want to start over.

[For those who have been following the network today, it shouldn't be surprising to hear a bird using Justin's voice (or an approximation of Justin's voice; he doesn't usually sound quite so desperate or... emote that much.).

Peck peck peck.]

I just want a chance. I want to start over.

I just want a chance. I want to start over.

[Peck peck--click!]


[Private Text // Off Network]

I'm calling it now: three French hens on Wednesday, two turtledoves on Friday, and a partridge in a pear tree on Sunday. Who knows what the City will do after it's through with the twelve days of Christmas.

I don't have the best memory, but I don't think Christmas is usually that traumatic. Time in the City, curses... everything started running together after the first year. Now life here is almost monotonous. Get up, check for curses, go to work, go home, feed the cat, read. Sleep. Repeat.

It's been almost a month and a half since Euphie visited. I've tried to write about that. It doesn't come easily anymore--writing. When I start to think, the words disappear. Is shying away from introspection a coping mechanism that I've never heard of? If so, why haven't I discovered it before now? Where was it before I decided to be in love with Euphie?

I don't want to think about her.

I don't want to think about anything.

I don't want to spend year after year in the City, taking advantage of Neil and Todd's goodwill and going through these phases--depressed and self-medicated, depressed and obsessed with work, depressed and romantic in the most hopeless and pathetic way, depressed and numb. I'm in the last phase now. I expect heavy drinking to begin in late January or early February. These are the seasons of my discontent.

She wouldn't want this, but the cycle was established before I met her. Neil and Todd worry. I know that I should enjoy what I have here, but when things here come and go as quickly as they did in life...

What's the point of a second chance?


[ooc: Video is entiiirely accidental and Justin won't know about it until he's informed. Additionally, my notifs are kind of wonky; please forgive me if replies aren't quick!]

Comments

text;

[dignity_misery]

Kill the messenger ♥

text;

[othersdie]

What?

[Nice and oblivious.]

voice;

[oceantrauma]

That bird is rather inconsiderate.

[whitetwoguns]

Jesus fucking Christ.

voice;

[othersdie]

Which--

I just want a chance. I want to start over.

[It's still lurking, doing its mocking thing.]

Oh. That bird.

[othersdie]

What?

[whitetwoguns]

What do you mean what?

That.

Did you kill it yet?

[othersdie]

No. It won't be here for long.

text;

[dignity_misery]

You can read.

[whitetwoguns]

How can you put up with that?

voice;

[oceantrauma]

I'm sorry. Were you unaware of it?

text;

[othersdie]

[Ah. So that recorded, did it?]

I don't murder annoyances.

voice;

[othersdie]

I hadn't realized it was recording. Thank you for letting me know.

[The bird is still chattering in the background. It wouldn't be as bad if it knew a few other phrases... or, really, any other phrase.]

[othersdie]

Patience.

[No, really.]

[whitetwoguns]

Fuck patience, man. Sanity's worth more.

voice;

[oceantrauma]

I suppose these birds are very problematic.

But.... I know it isn't easy to talk to another person sometimes. But if you ever needed to, I would gladly listen.

voice;

[othersdie]

[Ken. Ken, Ken, Ken. How could Justin ever tell you about the things he needs to work through? You're so young. Still...]

I may take you up on that.

[othersdie]

I've been here long enough to wonder if I have sanity to lose.

Protect yours, if you still have it.

[whitetwoguns]

[Really? Is he really hearing this?]

How old are you, kid?

[Because Mr. White thinks that he's not old enough to sound this jaded.]

voice;

[oceantrauma]

I understand if you don't. [He's aware he's young.] But I do want to do anything and everything I can if there is anyway in which I can help.

voice;

[othersdie]

Thank you, Ken. The same goes for you... I hope you know that.

[othersdie]

About twenty-three.

[Murder, a couple years in jail, a few years in the City, and dying four times does that to a person.]

voice;

[oceantrauma]

I didn't, but now I do. Thank you.

voice;

[othersdie]

It's the least I can do.

text;

[dignity_misery]

What warrants a murder ?

text;

[othersdie]

Nothing.

text;

[dignity_misery]

That's ridiculous.