(video)

[worstretconever]

[The Master looks pretty normal, except that his lips and tongue are blue. Someone's been nibbling on something with blue frosting - he's got a piece of pastry with the same colour frosting in his hand right now, actually. He grins at the camera when he notices the device is on.]

Do you know what the best part of having a dimensionally transcendental ship is? There's so much to eat inside when it all turns to sweets. Like a giant timey-wimey bakery.

Almost makes me wish my appetite wasn't back to normal these days.

[Hey, it's not his ship, why should he care about eating it?]

Comments

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[verylast]

No.

You can't eat the TARDIS!

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[worstretconever]

[He takes a big bite of the piece he has in his hand and smirks at the Doctor.]

It's a bit late for that warning, don't you think?

[If he looks around inside, he'll notice any number of random bites taken out of things. The Master has obviously been busy.]

[waitedforyears]

( amy still doesn't know how she should behave, how she should even feel around the master, about his presence in the city, in her life. )

Leave her alone.

[worstretconever]

[Maybe you should just make him bacon, Amy. Bacon solves everything.]

It's terribly delicious, though. You ought to try a bite!

[waitedforyears]

( if he'd leave the tardis alone, maybe she would. except she's not some woman to be sent to the kitchen. )

No, thanks.

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[verylast]

[ For a moment the Doctor is visibly flabbergasted. The Master knows what the TARDIS is and he's taking chunks out of her. They've no way to tell if she'll revert back tomorrow.

All he can think about is the last time - the TARDIS red and sick. ]

Stop that right now. You have no idea what this curse entails and I know you're smarter than that.

[worstretconever]

[Lucy would have made him bacon, god.

Okay, that's a lie, Lucy probably doesn't know the first thing about cooking.]

Oh, well, more for me!

[Nom nom nom.]

[waitedforyears]

Stop eating her.

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[worstretconever]

[On the bright side, he hasn't eaten anything important. Probably.

Unless the Doctor's new bow ties turned to pastry. Then he totally ate those, too.

And maybe the sonic screwdriver.

Whoops.]

If I end up as pastry tomorrow, you can say "I told you so".

[worstretconever]

[Unimpressed face. Number of fucks he gives about what Amy says: 0.]

You know, this whole thing is like reverse psychology. People tell me to stop eating the TARDIS and it really just makes me want to eat more.

[waitedforyears]

( she's going to find the doctor and ask if she can march in there with a gun or the sword rory's left her, see if she doesn't.

except. except maybe another way's better. ) Fine. Go ahead, then, and I hope she turns back in your stomach.

[worstretconever]

[Don't ask the Doctor, Amy, he'll just give you a disapproving look and tell you no.]

On the other hand, you also have to wonder if reverse psychology works when the subject is aware of it. Though, I've got to tell you, human concepts of psychology are pretty laughably inaccurate anyway. I mean, Freud, really?

[waitedforyears]

I don't really care much for psychology. ( or for you, for that matter. )

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[verylast]

[ It would serve the Master right. ]

If tomorrow comes and the TARDIS has chunks taken out of her, you'd better hope you can fix it. I let you stay, don't make me wish I hadn't.

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[worstretconever]

I don't know if you've noticed, but most of my life revolves around making you regret things.

But at least the bruises are gone now, hmm?

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[verylast]

[ He doesn't say anything for a long moment. ]

You must be so bored.

[worstretconever]

[He liked Amelia better.]

It's probably better that way. Who wants to waste all their time in futile attempts to analyse everybody and everything around them?

[waitedforyears]

( amy liked the master better as a cat, too. )

Not me.

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[worstretconever]

This is almost as dull as that time I spent years pretending to be a statue on Traken.

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[verylast]

Don't you ever tire of fighting? You could do so much more.

[worstretconever]

[Everybody does. :C]

So, Amy. How did you meet the Doctor?

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[worstretconever]

It's who I am, Doctor. Do you ever get tired of being you?

[waitedforyears]

I prayed to Santa and he crash-landed in my backyard.

[worstretconever]

I suppose Santa is as good a fictional entity to pray to as any other.

[The Master sits down in a chair, discarding the piece of the TARDIS he's been nibbling on.] Go on, then, I do enjoy a good story.

[waitedforyears]

( sure. she'll tell you, so long as you're not eating the tardis. )

Santa's the only one I've ever prayed to. So, he crash-landed. There was a crack on my bedroom wall, except it wasn't on my wall at all, but in space and time.