poly_chromatic

So...

[He can't quite seem to decide whether to use a happy or sad tone, whether to make a somber or pleased expression, so he's alternating between the two, sitting on the floor of his apartment cross-legged, looking earnestly at the device as it records.]

I guess that's it. I mean, I guess we're all going home. Definitely. And I want to go home, I need to go home, but I can't help but...

[A frown, a vague gesture that could really mean anything.]

You know how sometimes when you get something you want it turns out that you didn't want it as much as you thought you did? I don't know if that's a good example here. I still want to go home. I just know that there're a lot of people that don't. And a lot of people that I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye to. And I was tempted to just not say goodbye because that's easier, but it's also a lot shittier of me.

So...

[There's that drawn out so again, and now his face seems to have decided that sad is a good expression to stick with.]

If you want to... you know, say our last goodbyes, or whatever other depressing way I can phrase it, let me know. Only I can't promise I won't cry.

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I'd really rather not say goodbye to you, too.

[She has also decided on sad.]

I guess I probably couldn't have made this any more shockingly obvious that you were one of the people I was talking about not wanting to say goodbye to, right?

[He's trying for humor, but really, he's just not in the mood.]

I would like to say goodbye, even if you do not. It only seems fair, as I did spend time in your subconscious last October.

Yeah, okay, that's fair. I almost forgot about that. I mean, that's a certain level of intimacy I guess you don't experience with everyone. Luckily. Luckily for you, I mean.

So... How do we say goodbye? What do we say?

I was kind of hoping. Not that I want you to not say goodbye to me, or feel bad about... anything.

Although I feel bad for not getting to know you sooner. You're a good guy, Ginsberg.

I don't know if you'd still think I was such a good guy if you had gotten to know me sooner, but all things considered, I think we made the most of the time we knew each other, right? Does that sound weird to say? It's probably totally weird.

I would. Believe me, I know I would.

Well... maybe a little weird, but that's okay. It'd be weird for me to say that I think I would've fallen in love with you if we'd had more time, but I just said it.

[It's quite a feat to reduce him to utter silence, but she seems to have managed it. The expression on his face can't quite seem to decide whether he wants to burst into tears or burst into a stupid grin, but of course he can't stay quiet for long.]

I don't think that's weird. I mean, I think so too. That I would have fallen in love with you, I mean. I've never been in love. I have no idea what it feels like or what it means or anything but I'm pretty sure I would've found out. So I'm really glad I wasn't the only one thinking that.

[Silence is a better reaction than she'd anticipated. She isn't having the greatest luck with confessions of love. Confessions of probably-eventually love must be different.]

Really? [Well, she's going to start crying even if he doesn't.] Maybe it's better if you don't know. Or keep not knowing, at least for a while. It's nice, mostly, but if the person you love doesn't love you back? It kind of sucks.

I don't know if I could deal with loving someone who didn't love me back. I'm very fragile.

[It's partially a joke, but it's also kind of true.]

I'd say that anyone you loved who didn't love you back was probably crazy, but I know it's more complicated than that. This kinda shit always is. Maybe that's why I'm not so great at it. It's weird, though, because you never made me feel like I was shitty at it. At relating to people, I mean. About the whole probably-someday-loving-you thing.

[Okay, he's trying really hard not to tear up. Breathing. Breathing is necessary.]

Yes, luckily for me. I also know that you are not an alien.

People usually say that they will miss each other, it has been a pleasure to know you, goodbye. But the City is strange. That may not suffice.

Yeah, well, don't go spreading that around. I've got an alien reputation to maintain.

All that stuff seems really trite, though. It's something you'd say to someone who was going in a trip or something, not disappearing from the universe entirely.

It's hard, but a lot of things are. You're probably not as fragile as you think--not that I want you to have to test that. Ever.

[Okay, there are tears now. She's not even going to pretend that she's not crying because they have reached a point of no return with the sad here.]

Thanks for the thought, anyway, and you're not bad at it. You're nice and likeable and funny, you just... maybe people just don't want to get you, and that's their loss. And, you know... when you go home? You'll find someone who gets how amazing you are and you'll both love each other and it'll be okay.

It's been tested. I mean, not in that way, but in other ways. You're right, I'm not as fragile as I think. I've survived a lot of shit...

[He shakes his head.]

I know, I know, this isn't the time to talk about all of that. I'm not sure what we're supposed to be talking about? Am I supposed to tell you that you'll find someone who gets how amazing you are and you'll both love each other, too? Because I believe that, I really do, but I'm jealous as hell that it's not going to be me.

[Okay, whoops, now he's crying.]

I'm sorry.

[She doesn't even know what kind of shit he's survived, but he shouldn't have had to, so there.]

Ginsberg, no--don't. I mean, I'm dead at home, so it's not like I have a... no, you're right, this isn't the right time for this. Can I just...? Do you want to meet up somewhere? I really want to hug you.

[Nope, time for more tears, because thinking about her being dead is just not okay.]

Maybe you can go home with somebody else. Somewhere where you don't have to be dead. I really, really don't want you to be dead. That sounds so incredibly stupid to say out loud but... Yeah, yeah, we can meet up somewhere. I have something for you, anyway.

How about instead of goodbye, I'm glad to know you?

I'd like to. Go somewhere where I'm not dead, I mean, so that's a pretty legitimate thing to say.

Somewhere quiet, maybe? Where there won't be that many people around to witness all of the crying I'm going to do?

You could...

[Okay, no, definitely not talking about that over the network. Better to do it in person.]

How about we meet somewhere in the gardens? I mean, the weather's okay, and if we're outdoors, we'll have beautiful surroundings while we cry. There's something to that. I can be there soon, I just need to grab a couple things. Is that okay?

Yeah, I think that could work. It's less final. Less sad, maybe.

Definitely. And you never know, we could meet again.

You know, before I showed up here, I'd've laughed and said that wasn't possible, since we'd be going to different universes, but now that I've been here? Anything's possible, I think.

There are ... stories in my world about places... bars... inns that exist between worlds where weary travelers or just someone who makes the wrong turn ends up in and in those places they can meet people of all different worlds. It's kind of like the City but... you can leave when you want to and it's a lot smaller.

Are they true stories? In your world, I mean. I don't know if there's even a chance they're true in my world. But maybe if they're true in your world, people could end up there, just to visit.

[Considering her brother runs one she can safely say.] Yes, they are. At least I know the name of one.

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