[ The offer was motivated by curiosity, not kindness. The truth is, there's very little Hei does without purpose. If he wants details on Pavel's shipmates, he wants to gauge Pavel's loyalty to them in equal measure. There's a tiny twitch to his mouth at Pavel's refusal. With that No, but thank you, innocence practically defines the young man. It'd be a liability, if they were both Syndicate agents. But here, Hei can afford to be indulgent. He can even ensure, in his own way, that Pavel's innocence remains intact. ]
[ His eyes carefully take in the nuances of the boy's expression. There: ambivalence, as if for good billed too high, but coveted all the same. It's a mindset Hei's been familiar with in his childhood. A balancing act of self-interest vs. sentiment. (Does BK201 still struggle with those concepts today? Is it possible for him to enter a roomful of people -- to chart everything as a network of valued lives, not victims and bargaining-chips? No, most Contractors would say. But Hei has always been an anomaly in that respect. In the matrix of his thoughts, some muscle, overlooked by anatomists, is always discolored by a bruise of emotion.) ]
[ Following Pavel's bright notes of honesty, his own reply hits a polyphonic flatness. It's not threatening, but there's a cautionary edge there. ]
Nothing keeps me from being intelligent. But you would be full of condemnation, if you knew the whole side of that coin. [ Revulsion. Fascination. They're two edges of the same knife. But unless you're careful, you can cut yourself on one of them. ] Morality keeps you from acting in the name of self-interest. But 99% of morality is based on comfort, anyway. [ Massacre a million people from thirty thousand feet aboveground, and you sleep like a baby afterwards. Kill one man with a switchblade and your dreams will never be sweet again. ] That's why governments and organizations offer concepts like patriotism. Rank. Medals. It's an illusion. A drug fed to monsters to anesthetize them after they've crossed the line.
[ On a tired exhalation, Hei lifts his chin to study the stars. ] What I do is no worse than what goes on all over the world. The difference is, I'm honest about it. But any honesty comes with a price. You have no illusions to justify yourself by. No buffer. You either learn to compartmentalize, or go insane.
[ Ideally, a Contractor shouldn't suffer either choice. They have no consciences. They get over everything, resilient creatures that they are. (Except Hei isn't a real Contractor. He never was.) ]
no subject
[ His eyes carefully take in the nuances of the boy's expression. There: ambivalence, as if for good billed too high, but coveted all the same. It's a mindset Hei's been familiar with in his childhood. A balancing act of self-interest vs. sentiment. (Does BK201 still struggle with those concepts today? Is it possible for him to enter a roomful of people -- to chart everything as a network of valued lives, not victims and bargaining-chips? No, most Contractors would say. But Hei has always been an anomaly in that respect. In the matrix of his thoughts, some muscle, overlooked by anatomists, is always discolored by a bruise of emotion.) ]
[ Following Pavel's bright notes of honesty, his own reply hits a polyphonic flatness. It's not threatening, but there's a cautionary edge there. ]
Nothing keeps me from being intelligent. But you would be full of condemnation, if you knew the whole side of that coin. [ Revulsion. Fascination. They're two edges of the same knife. But unless you're careful, you can cut yourself on one of them. ] Morality keeps you from acting in the name of self-interest. But 99% of morality is based on comfort, anyway. [ Massacre a million people from thirty thousand feet aboveground, and you sleep like a baby afterwards. Kill one man with a switchblade and your dreams will never be sweet again. ] That's why governments and organizations offer concepts like patriotism. Rank. Medals. It's an illusion. A drug fed to monsters to anesthetize them after they've crossed the line.
[ On a tired exhalation, Hei lifts his chin to study the stars. ] What I do is no worse than what goes on all over the world. The difference is, I'm honest about it. But any honesty comes with a price. You have no illusions to justify yourself by. No buffer. You either learn to compartmentalize, or go insane.
[ Ideally, a Contractor shouldn't suffer either choice. They have no consciences. They get over everything, resilient creatures that they are. (Except Hei isn't a real Contractor. He never was.) ]