poly_chromatic | fourth reflection -- and you cared a little bit, didn't you? (accidental video)

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touhou project - shikieiki yamaxanadu

fourth reflection -- and you cared a little bit, didn't you? (accidental video)

[It's ridiculous-o'clock in the morning, something like 3 or 4 AM. Shikieiki is sitting by the fountain, silent, eyes closed, breath stilled in silent meditation. Only the sound of the water behind her and the occasional scuffle of footsteps disturbs the quiet.

In her hand is a slip of paper -- a ticket stub for a movie.

She could easily have been sitting there for hours, who knows, but it still takes a little while for her to make any sort of motion. Still, perfectly controlled, focused, like a statue. Then, ever so slowly, one of her fingers taps on the side of the fountain's concrete rim.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

One second intervals. 60 beats per minute. The same as the ticking of a clock.]

I have earned what I have deserved.

[She lets the ticket stub go, and the wind carries it away. Transient, just like Nobori, just like anyone here.]

I am alone, again.

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So of us are more fortunate than others, but we are all truly alone.

[She makes a faintly surprised sound.]

What? Oh, this device was on...I know I turned it off. Hm.

It varies drastically depending on the individual. If you are referring to eventual death, yes, all die alone and are judged alone. However, in life, very few are truly alone.

Some of us are, however, and should be.

You've earned what you deserved? No one deserves to be alone.

That I would doubt. No one deserves such a fate.

[...Right. The device is on. She looks at Penny calmly, soberly, with a mechanically still face.]

...An interesting point you bring up, Penny, and it would be so were I human. Humans are created to exist in communities.

I am a god, but one set apart. I exist as an unbiased, impartial mind. It is poor of me to become at all close to another sentient creature, for eventually they will cross my path after death, and I cannot spare them simply because I know them.

My work is my life.

~~...It was my fault for wanting to know Nobori.~~

Edited 2013-05-19 20:45 (UTC)

I am not as you are. I am created with a life that must exist alone.

But does it have to be that way in the City, Shiki-sama? You don't have to do that job while you're here, do you? And even if you did, there's got to be a way for you to be around other people...

Do you mind if I ask what happened to make you think you should be alone?

I do not know. In its own way, the City is frightening, because it is so different from Gensokyo that I need to re-orient myself to here. With none dying here, my work is more towards assisting the population in its moral state and attempting to keep it as benevolent as possible.

As for your last question -- do you mean my general mindset? It is because of my work and my species of sorts. Yama only exist to be judges after death and to ensure the moral integrity of their demesne; we are very specified...

[Her voice trails off, and her eyes look askance...does Penny mean, what happened in the City?]

That's not a bad goal...

[There's a heavily implied but.]

I'm so sorry, I meant now--whatever made you post. I can't understand how you can be happy, though.

...I didn't mean to post this at all. I was meditating.

But you have helped me, and at the very least, I owe you something. I am not usually a person who tells much about my personal life. Even so...well.

I have never had what I would call a friend. But here, entirely out of my realm, I met a certain individual, and we shared quite a bit between us in the brief time that we knew each other here. ...He has departed this place.

But it perhaps is for the best...now he may see his brother again, and now I may return to the state in which I entered.

[She sounds a little dubious about the last sentence there...]

Edited 2013-05-20 04:34 (UTC)

...As for how I can be happy -- that is an interesting conclusion that you came to.

I am very good at controlling myself and my mental state. I do not feel emotions intensely, usually.

I...meditate when I am experiencing strong negative emotions. It keeps me even and still.

It doesn't mean that you deserve such a thing. [ Even if she's not entirely certain if she believes that she was created to exist alone ]

Why do humans consider it so terrible? I do not have the instincts that you do; I do not require social contact for fulfillment and a maintenance of general sanity.

It is not a terrible fate, for me. On the contrary, I will become biased and unable to properly judge the souls that cross my path after death, if I become too close to them.

[Pinoko looks sympathetic and asks in a knowing tone:] Mish, did you get shtood up?

[Yes, that's how the situation reads to Pinoko.]

Hm?

Oh.

[She actually manages a faint laugh -- that is how the situation here would read to some people, isn't it? But the smile falls away almost as soon as it's there, and it was barely there at all in the first place.]

No, I didn't.

A...[She takes a little too long to think, but she may as well call it what it was turning into.] friend, has left the City, and I decided to come out and meditate to clear my mind.

[She listens patiently for her to finish answering, then nods.] I shee! Pinoko's shorry your friend left. If Nyo-chan or Yuri-shan left, Pinoko would cry! The hunter, too, even if he wanted to hunt an innochent, little pigwet.

But, you know, your friend's back home! Thinking about how happy they'll be at home might make it easier!

[She isn't the type to cry, certainly -- not out of pride, but just out of composure -- and briefly she wonders what would ever cause it. Hm.]

Yes, you're right. I know how badly he wanted to see his brother. It is for the best that he isn't here.

And I have learned a thing or two as well, which is worth a tense experience.

We're simply not accustomed to such an existence. [ Not with the emphasis on relationships and friendships ]

But yet you don't stay clear of all. [ If you did you wouldn't have made any message, she guesses ] Can you draw a distinction? Between simply knowing and friendship?

I usually do, yes. There are many whom I have encountered, both here and in my world, but it is a mental separation between knowing and becoming friends with another. Friendships involve potentially biasing obligations -- one favors one's friends, and one will risk oneself to defend them.

My work and position are important, and I am difficult to replace and am crucial to the proper spiritual functioning of my world. Were I to be impaired or destroyed, the balance of that world would fail.

Also, I would make it a policy not to judge those whom I consider friends...but then who would? I am the only one in my world who can assess the fate of souls.

Here...

Well, I do not yet know my role here.

He had a brother he was close to? Then, Pinoko's happy he got to go home! [She smiles brightly.] There's nothing better than being with the ones you love, absholutely!

Really? That'sh great!

You know what, maybe we should chelebrate! A going-home-and-learning-new-things party! Pinoko could halfway do a bon-odori! [Which is oddly appropriate, considering the situation, but she says it so casually, it's probably a coincidence.] Ah, or maybe the UFO danche, jusht like Pink Lady! [... yeah, definitely a coincidence.

Shikieiki, meet boundless energy and enthusiasm.]

[Happiness is infectious, especially with such utterly huge amounts of it, and it breaks through the meditative calm and produces something that settles into a somewhat relieved smile.]

Ah--hold on, Pinoko, I am not so much a party kind of person. I...am not accustomed to it. Not to mention, well, celebrations are for the person in question, yes? And he isn't here.

Bon-odori? Hm. That is a traditional dance to welcome the spirits of one's ancestors...who would you be honoring, Pinoko? I have none to whom I could pay tribute. I am not like humans; I do not have parents, or other ancestors, or even relatives.

[She's so not ready for this level of enthusiastic O.O]

Edited 2013-05-20 19:37 (UTC)

I'm so sorry, about the post and your friend. It's hard, and it never really gets easier to have people leave, but that's no reason not to get close to anyone.

Sorry, Shiki-sama. Things're different where you're from, and I shouldn't assume anything or tell you what to do. I just... I mean, you know what's best for you. If--if meditation and not feeling is what makes you happy...

[She smiles now, broadly -- that's not very common at all.]

You remind me of someone, Penny-san. A woman from my world, who is perhaps the most virtuous spirit I have seen in centuries. ...And she always apologizes for everything. [A moment's laugh -- she's very lightly joking with Penny.]

Things are no so different in Gensokyo, and I do not assume myself to be perfect in any way. ...Perhaps here in the City, it is for the best if I remember that here, I have much more time than before, and that my work is not the same here.

Between the City clock's ticking and my inability to resume my old work...I must adapt however is necessary for me to do the best that I can to assist this place. Though I prefer to keep my thoughts on an even keel, perhaps I should consider them more than I can afford to do in my world, and perhaps it is worth understanding the people here, who cannot die and thus who cannot come by me later.

Edited 2013-05-21 15:17 (UTC)

[It's nice to see Shikieiki smile.]

Oh... thank you. I'm sor--I'll try to cut back on the apologizing.

Maybe it could be fun for you, getting to do things you don't get to do back home since your job's different. That's one of the best things about the City, I think--getting a chance to be someone else.

Perhaps. I admittedly know little about interacting as part of a group, or even as friends with another individual. I certainly do not know what I would do in a city...I suppose I have already started attempting to go back to some kind of work.

I don't know who I would be, if not myself.

Oh, really? Maybe a reaaaally quiet chelebration's more your thing? [And now, she's gone into "rapidfire questions" mode.]

Uh-huh, but you alsho shay goodbye to them at the end of the shummer feshtival, shince they gotta go back!

Pinoko only has her darling in Japan!

Ne, ne, lady, what are you then?

Not... human... but, you look like—

UWAH, please don't be a g-g-g-ghosht!

[Someone has a phobia~]

[She shakes her head, offering a reassuring smile.]

No, I am not a ghost. I am a Yama, a god of judgment. We look human at first sight, but we are very different.

Are you afraid of ghosts? I know a few of them, and in my world they can be very mellow and kind individuals. The one I know best, the master of the Netherworld, is a very beautiful spirit and very benevolent. Be kind, if you meet one. Few spirits will harass you if they have not been sent after you, and if you have not angered them.

Edited 2013-05-22 17:50 (UTC)

[She's tearing up just listening to the story! Arms tucked in, hands curled up under her chin. She shakes her head.]

Plenty shcared! [She shivers, but listens to her explanation, even if it's terrifying her.] M-mellow and kind? Really?

... very beautiful, really? What'sh the mashter look like?

And, um, what does benevolent mean?

[She seems to be calming down a bit, now, more curious than afraid. She's still shaking quite a bit, though.]

[Shikieiki closes her eyes for a moment, recalling a mental image. She never forgets a face, and even if she did, it's hard to forget someone so striking.]

Her name is Yuyuko Saigyouji. She wears a silk blue and white kimono with embroidered hitodama patterns -- those are spirit-fires -- and always hovers, looking delicate and light as the wind. Her hair and eyes are the color of sakura petals, and her skin is porcelain pale. Her face...there is none I've seen who has a face so softly beautiful as hers, and I'm sure in her time alive, men would have fallen on their swords for the sake of such a woman. She carries a fan in violet and pink, and when she uses it to cast magic, it spreads out behind her like an aurora, all glowing colors like a work of ethereal art.

Benevolent means, essentially, good-intentioned. She always smiles, and she always seems glad to meet new people, although she stays in the Netherworld usually. I've seen her leave before, though, and she sometimes visits the local shrine. It is quite a pleasure to see her whenever I happen to do so, usually during gatherings at the shrine.

If you won't be made too afraid by my question -- what are ghosts like in your world? Are they terrifying creatures?

Edited 2013-05-22 19:11 (UTC)

Wow, she does shound pretty! Kind of shtrange and a little bit myshterioush, but pretty.

[She's a lot calmer now, even if the mention of hitodama sends a noticeable shiver up her spine.]

Ghoshtsh! Doc shays they're only in shtories, made-up, not real, but you know, I think we've had ghoshtsh at the houshe before too! They wanted to be tweated too.

Some people don't believe in the mystical. Many in my world do not believe in magic, or spirits, or monsters, or any such concepts, but they all exist there. I do not know about your world, and about whether ghosts do or do not exist there, but it is difficult for me to imagine a world where living beings have no souls.

Humans fear that which they do not understand...but in my world, we can speak to many such creatures on reasonable terms. Even "monsters" need not be monstrous, if you know them well. Even ghosts can be beautiful. ...Even gods can be friends.

Doc's kind of funny, he doesn't believe in a lot, like curshes and things. He probably thinksh it's shafer to trusht in things he can tesht and predict, Pinoko thinksh.

Shounds niche, your world!

Shtill a little bit shcary, though. [A nervous little smile, before she happily extends a hand.] But, if they're friendly like you, Pinoko'd like to be friends! [After a moment, she blinks, looking at her hand in surprise.] I forget shometimes it's jusht a video! It feels like we're talking fache-to-fache with these thingsh...

[...She was intending that to mean someone like Kanako, a more traditionally social god, but...well, between Penny and Pinoko, perhaps she has been a little talked into it. Very well. She'll give this some kind of try.]

Some are, and some aren't.

...I will try, Pinoko. I can promise little, because I have never had any sort of friends before, but perhaps there is a first time for everything.

Jusht the way the world is everywhere, huh?

It'sh fine, it'sh fine~ [She waves her hand dismissively.] Pinoko's friends are usually kind of loners, anyway!

Yes. It seems that one thing all sentient species have in common, is that none are perfect.

How old are you, Pinoko, if I may ask?

You don't ashk a lady's age, but that'sh way better than the ashumptions people usually make! [She holds her head high.] Pinoko's twenty years old!

I try not to make assumptions, and that is why I ask.

Very young for a medical professional in the City! You must be quite intelligent.

It helpsh that I learned from the besht! Pinoko's Dr. Black Jack's wife and his ashishtant nurshe~ he's the world's greatesht, without compare! Number one besht Doctor!

Even though he's unlichenshed, he's known all around the world! Well, Pinoko's world.

There's time to learn. Talking to people isn't hard; you'll get the hang of it.

You can still be you, just... you know, a different you.

Speaking to others is not difficult. It is the more intangible aspect of friendship that is foreign to me...but thank you. I will keep in mind, that learning takes time.

You are most helpful and kind, Penny.

I don't know how much help I've really been, but if I can do anything, let me know.

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fourth reflection -- and you cared a little bit, didn't you? (accidental video)

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