— iece of crap. [ There's grumbling as the viewscreen jostles, bright blue (bloodshot) eyes squinting into it curiously. The would-be handsome face glances away a moment later, eyebrows pulled together; he's sick or was prior to arriving, more worn out from the exertion of walking than any young man ought to be. ] Alright, good. You'll do for the time being.
This is Captain Kirk of the starship Enterprise ordering any and all Federation crewmen to report back with the location of the nearest Starfleet outpost. I'm off-world when I shouldn't be. This "computer" — [ you can practically see the airquotes around his sour tone ] — isn't responding as it should or giving me the information I need. I'm getting nothing but interference when I try and open a standard sub-space channel, the frequency's all off ... damn, this thing's gonna fry if I keep messing with it.
[ Opening his mouth to continue, a hurk noise clogs his throat and hastily, the video clatters to the ground as Jim reels around to vomit into the fountain. Classy. ]
[ Of course, where a sick Jim is, a wild, angry Bones appears. ]
Goddammit, Jim! [ He's there all of a sudden, a hand on jim's shoulder holding him for support and a - somewhat crazy expression on his face. ] Jesus Christ, why are you out of the medbay if you're sick?! Don't move or I'll hypo your ass!